Hope Anew
by gitania
Summary: COMPLETE! Sequel to Memories of Hope. After Boone's death, Hope must go on with her life. There is a new baby, a new memory and a new love! Hurray!
1. Acceptance

Author: Gitania

Email: Please please please review! I love to read them, and try to obey popular demand.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the character Hope, and the actions surrounding her. The show "Lost" belongs to some lucky buggers in TV Land!

Author's Note: I loved writing my story "Memories of Hope" (and "Hope's First") so much, and had so much fun with the character of Hope, that I thought I would carry on. You don't need to read those stories first, but I do recommend it for details (plus, I think they're good).

I will use a couple of real "Lost" plot points in this one – please forgive me if they are out of conventional order, or skewed in any way. Poetic licence! 

Enjoy! –Gitania

Summary: Sequel to "Memories of Hope". After Boone's death, Hope must go on with her life. There is a new baby, a new memory and a new love! (Hurray!)

Hope Anew

Chapter 1: Acceptance

"I thought you'd be pleased." Jack's eyes were soft as he delivered the news. "Now a piece of him can live on forever – he'll have a real legacy."

"And I'll never be able to forget." Hope focussed on the floor as her eyes filled with tears.

It had been almost four weeks since Boone's death, and Hope was still reeling. Hearing that she was pregnant with his child was more than she was capable of handling in her current state.

Jack spoke as gently as he could, "Haven't you forgotten enough…?"

Jack's words chased her as she turned away from the caves. She had woken on the beach with the other castaways' months before, with no memory of her life before the plane crashed. For a while she had searched the darkest corners of her mind for any scraps of her old life, finding only a few little facts that she had slowly pieced together.

After remembering the details of her mother's murder and finding that some peace and regular sleep were returning, Hope had turned her attention to living in the moment – focussing mainly on her writing, the group's survival, and Boone. Their relationship had progressed quickly, and they were the most agreeable pair on the island – progressing without the arguments that followed Shannon and Sayid, or the will-they-won't-they angst that still lingered around Kate and Jack.

Boone's death had affected them all, but none more so than Hope and Shannon. Against all odds they became fast friends – easing each other through their pain. But while Shannon was steadily recovering, with a lot of crying and Sayid's loving support; Hope was stuck in her cycle of sadness, never shedding a tear or talking to anyone about her lost love.

"Hey, Peaches!" Hours later Sawyer's voice rang through the trees, calling her by her own special nickname.

Hope pulled her legs to her chest and willed him to leave. She had been hiding just inside the line of trees since her talk with Jack, thinking her own private thoughts about Boone and her impending motherhood. There was a time that she would have gone straight to Sun's garden to tell her troubles, or taken a walk with Kate; but Hope's loss was pulling her away from the group, and they were starting to worry about her.

"Peaches!" The calling grew louder, and Hope knew that she would be seen if she didn't move. She was just rising from the log she had settled on when he burst through the undergrowth.

"There you are! Girl, I've been looking everywhere for you." Sawyer was brash as always, sitting directly beside her despite her obviously closed body language. "So, what's up?"

"You came to see me," Hope said with a touch of annoyance. "Why don't you tell me what's up?"

"Nothin' much," Sawyer got comfortable in his seat and Hope knew this wasn't an impromptu friendly visit. She decided to get the conversation over with as quickly as possible, so that she could return to her solitude.

"Then what do you want?"

Sawyer shrugged briefly, "Just thought you might want some company. I'm tired of pestering Freckles, and the kid's finally asleep after me reading to him for the past nine hours!"

The slightest mention of Aaron put Hope on the defensive. She couldn't have a baby – not out here. Not without Boone.

"Well, I don't want you around here pestering me. Go find someone else to mess with!"

Sawyer sighed softly, "Truth be told, Peaches, I'm not just here for the friendly conversation. Doctor Jack asked me to look for you – he's worrying again."

"Well tell him to find someone else to worry about." Hope was getting tired of being tiptoed around since Boone's death – she just wanted some time and space to feel wretched. "I'm fine, Sawyer. Just leave me alone."

Sawyer turned his body away and they sat beside one another like strangers waiting for a bus. He cleared his throat abruptly – he was getting serious; not his usual public self.

"Look Peaches, Jack didn't ask me to find you. I heard him talking to Aladdin, saying you were having a tough day, and I thought I'd look in on you."

Hope was livid. She stood and looked down at Sawyer, "So now everybody knows my business! What's the big deal if I have a bad day? What's the matter with you people? Is nothing sacred anymore!"

"Whoa, slow down, girl." Sawyer stood and looked at Hope. Her eyes were tired – as though she hadn't slept properly in weeks, plagued by too much on her mind. He didn't like what he saw, but he was no less unimpressed with her attitude.

"Just slow down a minute… What's goin' on with you? You're kinda crazy lately, you know that?"

"Well maybe you shouldn't waste your precious time on me then!" Hope retorted. She knew that she was being childish and he was really only trying to help, but her pride wouldn't let her give in and accept it.

"Listen Peaches," he began softly but firmly, "all I got in this goddamn place is time. I can spend it on you or on anyone else, but you're the one who seems to need a hand right about now. But forget it – it's not in my nature to keep coming back after I've been kicked. Once bitten, twice shy, you know."

He turned calmly and walked away through the trees. Hope stood rooted to the spot, knowing deep down that she was being foolish. In his own strange way Sawyer had been a good friend to her – before and since Boone's death. She sighed deeply and followed after him towards the beach.

She moved at a slow jog, her feet sinking deep into the sand by the time she reached his shelter.

"Sawyer?" she stuck her head around the tarpaulin flap that was his door to find him sitting in the sand with a book open in his lap.

His eyes were glued to the page and his tone betrayed his annoyance.

"What do you want, Peaches?"

She looked down at him and knew she had been unreasonable. He was angry now, and she would have to reach out first. Once bitten, twice shy, after all.

"I'm sorry, Sawyer. I've just been kind of stressed since…" she trailed off before saying Boone's name, but her intention was clear.

"No problem," Sawyer shrugged; his anger dissipating as he saw her discomfort. He was surprised to find that she didn't provoke his smart-ass attitude like most of the others. He laid the book on the sand and invited her to sit, using his makeshift glasses to mark his page. "So, what's going on, kid?"

Hope's eyes filled with tears as she realised that soon everyone would know her secret anyway. Jack would innocently let it slip to someone, and soon the whole island would be buzzing with the news. Secrets didn't keep for long in such a small society, with or without Doctor/Patient Confidentiality.

"Jack thinks I'm going to have a baby," Hope whispered as she wiped the first tear from her cheek.

Sawyer reeled for a moment, making an effort to pull himself together when he saw her distress. He laughed softly, "So, what's wrong with that?"

Hope looked up at him in disbelief. "Well…" she trailed off and looked down at the sand. What _was_ wrong with that?

Sawyer laughed again, this time with real amusement. "You got no idea, do you Peaches?"

Hope felt the tears rushing down her face, "I just…"

"You just what?" Sawyer pressed her, waiting a moment for her to voice her fears.

"I just… I just miss him so much." she felt Sawyer's comforting hand on her back as she cried, letting the pain fall out of her as she wept.

Sawyer let her cry, knowing that she had been avoiding this moment since Boone's death – the thought of a having a baby out here had pushed her over the line. Sawyer knew all too well that the moment of acceptance was the worst – there was no pain that could match the loss of a loved one. Later she would have to face the moment of verification, when she would know for absolute certain that she would never see Boone again. Until that time, she would keep a small, insane hope that he would return somehow. Sawyer hoped that she would be strong enough to survive the confirmation of the terrible truth.

Hope gave a sniff as the flow of tears stopped. "Sorry," she said softly, blushing a little at her emotional display.

"No problem, kid," Sawyer said with a dismissing expression. "I'm used to the damn baby crying all over me, why not you too?"

Hope gave a small smile and noticed how strange it felt to smile after such a long spell of sadness. It had been a month since her last smile, and she was relieved to discover that it was still an available function.

She looked at Sawyer hopefully, "Do you think my baby can cry all over you, too?"

He laughed, "I'm hoping your kid will take a liking to some other accent! Middle Eastern, maybe, or even that weird Australian sound. Speaking of which, you should talk to the island mommy, Claire. I bet she could give you some tips."

"Like what," Hope joked, "'Try to throw up in an uninhabited area?'"

Sawyer laughed, "Not a bad start."

Hope wiped her eyes on her sleeve and looked hard at Sawyer. She made a snap decision and leaned across to hug him tightly.

"Thanks, Sawyer," she whispered into his shoulder.

Sawyer put his arms loosely around her and tried to keep his cool image in the face of her emotion. "Forget it, Peaches."

She nodded her thanks and stood to leave. She turned as she reached the exit, and found him with his glasses on and eyes back on his book.

"I really appreciate it."

He gave her a distracted look and smirked a little to show his sense of humour, "Yeah, whatever Peaches, I'm reading here."

Hope smiled as she left Sawyer's shelter, and went to find Doctor Jack.


	2. Maybe, Baby

Hope Anew

Chapter 2: Maybe, Baby

"Jack?" Hope peered into the darkness of the caves to see Jack and Sayid sitting by the running water. They were both looking concerned, and Hope had a sinking feeling that she was to blame.

"Hope," Jack looked up at her, and stood to shepherd her inside.

Sayid ducked his head, looking uneasy. Hope knew that Jack must have told him her news when Sawyer had overheard them talking. She greeted Sayid softly, trying to put him at ease. Jack looked at her, waiting for the reason for her visit.

"I wanted to apologise for earlier," Hope began. "I've been kind of stressed…"

Jack held up a hand to stop her. "Don't worry about it, Hope. I know it's been tough."

Hope nodded and looked at Sayid. He sat silently, almost as though he was alone. Hope watched him curiously, and suddenly he stood, cupped her face with his hands, and gently kissed the centre of her forehead. She supposed it was a Middle Eastern thing, and she appreciated the intimacy of the gesture. There were not many castaways' who entered her space anymore, and Hope hadn't realised how much she missed the human contact.

"Congratulations, Hope." he said quietly. His face broke into a small yet encouraging smile, and she realised that he wasn't sure of her feelings on the subject.

Hope smiled back, reassuring him as much as she could. "It's pretty amazing." she said softly.

Sayid smiled his knowing smile and looked momentarily at her stomach, "A miracle."

He took his hands from her face and gave her hand a soft squeeze of support as he left her alone with Jack.

Jack jumped in quickly, "I'm sorry, Hope. I shouldn't have told Sayid. I was worried about you, and I thought that he might be able to …"

"It's okay, Jack." Hope cut in before he could beat himself too far into the ground. "I should tell everyone anyway. But that's kind of why I came by."

Jack raised his eyebrows expectantly and invited Hope to sit beside him in the space Sayid had vacated.

"Well," Hope continued once she was seated, "I wanted to make sure that you're sure. About the baby, I mean. There's definitely a baby?"

"It's my best guess. Still, I could be wrong. Sometimes women miss a period in times of stress or agitation. Have you missed more than just this month's since we arrived?"

Hope thought for a moment, answering quietly, "Maybe last month, right after Boone…" she continued quickly, "but I wasn't really paying attention at the time."

"So, you can't be certain?"

"No," Hope's tone showed conviction when she went on, "But just the one should be enough, right? I mean, I've never missed before."

Jack's face took on a strange expression for a moment, and he looked closely at his patient. "How do you know?"

The mystery of Hope's lost memories had still not been revealed, but she often referred to her past, or made references to recent popular culture without skipping a beat.

Hope looked surprised, and then smiled softly, "I don't know how I know. Sometimes stuff like that just comes out of my mouth before my brain has time to catch up. I figure it has to be true – stuff that I just know about myself and my old life, without needing to think."

"Hmmmm," the Doctor looked bemused.

Jack had never been too pleased with his diagnosis of Hope's condition. After an initial consultation with her soon after the crash, and finding only the usual post-plane crash injuries, he had pronounced that she would probably get her memories back in time, and decided that in the meantime they should name her and treat her like any other member of the group. Jack had chosen 'Hope', with some help from various other people, due to the tattoo on the inside of her wrist that boasted the word. He thought at the time that the group could use some hope, and he never expected her amnesia to last so long.

"Okay," he said softly, "If you're usually regular, and now you've skipped, my first assumption is that you're pregnant. That is, of course, only if you and Boone were sleeping together…"

He let the question hang in the air until Hope gave a small nod. Part of his job was prying into people's personal lives, but he felt bad making Hope re-live her most intimate moments with the man she had loved and lost.

"Well," Jack continued, "I think its best just to wait. I don't think you can possibly be more than a couple of months along, and if you _are_ pregnant then other symptoms should show themselves relatively soon. I think you should go and see Claire. Find out first hand what it feels like to be pregnant, to give you more idea of what to look for in yourself. Okay?"

Hope smiled a little, "That's what Sawyer said."

Jack was taken aback, "You told Sawyer?"

"Yeah," Hope nodded. "We're friends. Plus, he just happened to be the poor soul who stumbled upon me when I was inches from a breakdown."

Jack smiled, thinking of the unlikely pair that they made. It was just like Sawyer to watch over the castaway who was feeling the most adrift in a sea of troubles. It might take his mind off of his own secrets, if only for a little while.

"Okay," Jack said, wrapping up their appointment, "I have to go and check on Jin. I think he pulled a muscle earlier, putting the raft together. No big deal, but, you know, it's my job."

"It's your life," Hope countered. She looked at him softly, "Thanks a lot, Jack. We're lucky to have you."

Jack smiled, "Don't worry about it. Take care of yourself."

He was almost out of the caves when Hope spoke up, "Jack?"

He turned, and she walked over to him to speak quietly.

"I think that maybe I'll keep this a bit quiet for now, okay? I mean, Sayid and Sawyer both know, so it'll probably get around anyway, but maybe I'll wait until we know for sure."

"Good idea," Jack smiled and touched her shoulder in a supportive way, "Your secret's safe with me – you've got Confidentiality."

As Jack walked away Hope mumbled to herself, "Then how come Sayid knows?"

Hope sighed and went back into the cave for some water. She wasn't sure of what to do next. Everyone was advising her to visit Claire, but the only person Hope really wanted to talk to was Boone. He would have touched her stomach tenderly and smiled from ear to ear when she told him. He would have been such a proud dad.

Hope was lost in a peaceful daydream about Boone and herself raising a beautiful, dark-haired child, when Shannon and Sayid wandered into the cave for some water.

"Hey," Shannon gave Hope a genuine smile and a hug of greeting.

"Hi," Hope returned the hug looking distinctly uncomfortable.

Sayid leant down to kiss her cheek – a gesture that Shannon had told her was reserved for family only. Men did not go around kissing just anyone where Sayid came from. Shannon had once told Hope that Sayid saw her as Boone's wife and himself as Shannon's husband. By some strange, non-existent connection, she was his sister-in-law, and therefore she was family. Since that day, Hope had felt much closer to Sayid, and she found that she didn't really mind him knowing her secret.

Shannon wandered over to the water and Hope raised her eyebrows at Sayid, asking silently if Shannon knew about the possible-baby. He dispelled her fears with an almost-invisible shake of his head, and Hope breathed a small sigh. Somehow she felt that Shannon would be a difficult person to tell.

"So, how's it going?" Shannon asked innocently, taking a swig from a water bottle.

"Okay, thanks. How about you?" Hope was glad for the lightness of the conversation.

"Yeah, fine." Shannon paused before continuing. "I went to see Boone today…"

Hope knew that Shannon often went to visit the spot where they had buried her brother. Sayid had taken Shannon there one day while she was still struggling with shock and sorrow, saying that she needed to tell him all of the things they had not said in life. Hope could never bring herself to go and 'visit' Boone. Her loss was still too strong to stare in the face like that, even after admitting how much she missed him to Sawyer earlier in the day.

Hope swallowed hard before asking, "Oh yeah? How was it?"

"It was nice. You should go."

Hope was tired of this talk already. She was running on empty, and spoke too harshly, "Why? Does he miss me?"

Sayid stood beside Shannon, his dark eyes searching Hope's. Shannon hung her head a little and filled her bottle in silence.

Hope sighed, "I'm sorry, Shan." She walked over and hugged the blonde's wiry frame, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't say things like that. It's just been a big day."

Shannon wiped a forming tear from her eye and smiled her forgiveness. "It's okay. I just think it would be good for you."

"I know," Hope sighed again, wondering when she became so difficult to be around. "I will go, but I have to wait until I'm ready."

Shannon nodded sagely, and Hope was jealous of the calm, spiritual path that Sayid seemed to have set her on.

"See you at story time, then?" Shannon asked softly.

Story time was a Hope/Walt Production. Hope had found a book of fairytales in her luggage from the plane, and she had started reading the stories to her young fishing partner. It hadn't taken long for word to spread, and soon people were even venturing from the beach to listen to Hope read aloud. Since Boone's death it had fallen to Walt to carry on the reading, since Hope no longer had the heart to put into the stories. It had been months since story time began, and Hope sometimes wondered what they would do when they ran out of fairytales.

"Sure," Hope agreed, watching Shannon walk away with Sayid's protective arm around her. She touched her stomach despite herself, and wondered whether she could manage to take care of someone else, as well as keeping herself together.


	3. Addition

Hope Anew

Chapter 3: Addition

"…and once again the little man started spinning and spinning on the wheel, turning all of the straw to gleaming gold…" Walt recited from the book of fairytales, bringing a new story to life each night.

Hope was sorry that the story telling had fallen to Walt since Boone's death, but she hadn't been able to summon the energy since losing him. Claire had chosen the evening's story, 'Rumplestiltskin', saying only that she had loved it as a child.

Somehow Hope knew the story well, and knew that it would not be long until the Miller's daughter would be forced to promise her first-born child to the strange little man who had saved her from death by spinning room-fulls of straw into gold. Everything seemed to be revolving around babies.

She swept her eyes over the many faces around her, all glowing in the firelight looking intently at the storyteller. Walt sat next to his father, with the book resting in his lap; squinting his eyes slightly at the small print. Michael was next to Locke as he sat silently stoking the fire, while Hurley and Charlie sat nearby, letting Walt's words wash over them as they relaxed after a long day. Hope was the only one in the audience sitting alone, slightly away from the rest of the group; and for the first time since losing Boone, she wished that someone would keep her company during the story.

"Hey, Peaches," Sawyer whispered as he sat down beside her. "Did I miss much?"

When story time first began, Sawyer would stand within the tree line to listen, protecting his image by staying hidden from the others. Hope had seen him there, and over a short period of time she had convinced him to sit with the group. He was getting better at being part of their community, while Hope herself seemed to be getting worse.

"It's 'Rumplestiltskin'." Hope whispered back, "Claire's choice. The King has just promised to marry the Miller's daughter if she can spin a final room-full of straw into gold in one night."

"Sounds like a job for Superman," Sawyer smiled, settling into his seat.

Hope let her eyes stray over the group again, noticing a change in Sayid. He sat beside Shannon with an arm wrapped around her shoulders, protecting her from absent dangers that only he could feel lurking around them. His eyes had moved from watching Walt and were now stuck on Sawyer, a slight frown forming at the edges of his mouth. Hope knew that he was unimpressed by her choice of company.

Shannon looked suddenly at Sayid, following his line of sight to Sawyer. She frowned, and Sayid squeezed her shoulder and gave her a small, encouraging smile, and both turned back to the story.

"He's still not too into me," Sawyer remarked quietly, flicking his eyes at Sayid.

"You noticed." Hope was uneasy, knowing that Sayid and Shannon were worried about her. "He's just taking care of me – Jack told him about the…"

Sawyer picked up where she had trailed off, "…addition to the group?"

"Possible addition," Hope corrected. "I talked to Jack again – he said it's too early to be sure."

Sawyer nodded his understanding, "So, what are we hoping for?"

"We?" Hope looked lost. "I haven't decided yet," she admitted.

"Ah," Sawyer smiled a little and tuned back into the end of the story.

"… 'Is your name Fuzzibert? Skinnywizard? Orbwazzle?...'" Walt continued with the story, as the Queen tried to guess the name of the man who was waiting to take her child. "… 'Porfelag?... Mumpoline?... _Hurley_?...'"

All eyes snapped to Hurley, who looked stunned. Hope laughed along with the group. Walt was always adding his own spin to the evening stories – Hope was almost certain that he had made up every name on the page.

"… 'Is your name Rumplestiltskin?' she asked finally. The little man's face contorted with rage as he shrieked…"

"Is that what this story's all about? Names?" Sawyer whispered in wonder. "I never read it myself – I don't do weird titles."

"Right," Hope nodded and smiled at the oddity of Sawyer-logic.

"Was that a smile?" Sawyer ribbed her as Walt closed the book and the group stirred.

"Yeah," Hope admitted as they stood and brushed the dirt from their clothes. "I've been doing that a little today."

"Since Jack told you about the 'possible addition'?"

Hope thought for a moment and shrugged, "Actually, yeah."

"Well," Sawyer said with smug satisfaction, "Maybe adding won't be as bad as you think."

Hope looked at him sceptically, "Since when are you a glass-half-full kind of guy?"

"I'm whatever suits me in the moment, Peaches. You should know that by now." He looked around and noticed the group of beach-dwellers moving towards the path. "Well, gotta go. I'll catch you tomorrow."

"Okay, Sawyer. 'Night." Hope waved him off as he ambled away with the last of the group.

Sayid approached her immediately, and Hope saw Shannon departing through the trees talking animatedly with Claire. It looked like Sayid was deemed tough enough to venture back to the beach alone.

"Hope," he called out softly as he entered her space.

"Hey, Sayid." Hope smiled genuinely, vaguely wondering what was going on with her today.

"I am concerned about you."

"Ah," Hope nodded, "Not really one to skirt the issue, are you?"

Sayid laughed softly, "No, not really."

"You're worried about me hanging out with Sawyer."

Sayid nodded, ready to dispense his brotherly advice. "I do not approve."

"I see," Hope was humouring him to begin with, but she didn't think that she would like where this was going. "And what do you suggest?"

"I would suggest that you find more reliable company," Sayid said, and then grinned hopelessly, "but I do not believe that you will live by my recommendations."

Hope smiled, "You're right."

"In that case," he continued, "I ask only that you be careful in his presence. I have not found many reasons to like or trust Sawyer. I hope that you will do what is in the best interest of yourself and your child."

Hope was startled by his bluntness, and looked around with wide eyes for anyone within earshot. Her anger rose quickly to the surface.

"First, the baby thing isn't for sure yet." Hope's tone was firm but quiet – as intimidating as she could summon in the presence of a former member of the Republican Guard. "Second, if and when it is for sure, it will be my concern and not yours, and I will be a great mother. Third, I'd appreciate if you could be a little more careful with what you say – this is actually a secret."

Sayid looked sorry, and Hope's anger began to melt away as she saw the regret in his eyes. He had obviously not meant to imply that she would be anything but an ideal parent. He knew he had overstepped his bounds.

Hope sighed and continued, "Look Sayid, I get what you're saying. It's nice that you're worried, but I'm fine. Sawyer isn't a problem – it's everything else in my life right now."

Sayid gave a sympathetic smile. "I want only what is best for you. Shannon and I worry that you are not taking care of yourself. We must take care of each other; we are a family now."

"I know." Hope touched his shoulder appreciatively, "I know you guys are just looking out for me, but it's really unnecessary."

"Alright," Sayid decided to let it slide, for the moment. "I must get back to the beach. Look after yourself, Hope."

"I will." Hope stepped forward and hugged Sayid tightly. She had a feeling that he was still a little unfamiliar with random displays of affection, but he hugged her back nonetheless.

Sayid left her with a brotherly kiss on the head and a soft squeeze of her hand. Hope watched him disappear into the trees, and moved a little closer to the fire to sleep.


	4. Back to Basics

Hope Anew

Chapter 4: Back to Basics

"…please!" Hope woke with a start, aware of the overwhelming tension in her body. Her eyes were wet with unshed tears and she sat up quickly, trying to push the nightmare from her mind. As her breathing slowed she remembered part of the dream – calling out to someone who was leaving her – but that was as far as her mind could regress.

She was feeling slightly sick, and she wished that Boone was there to take care of her. Conversations were beginning within the group, and Hurley had already moved to stoke the fire before it completely went out. He gave her a small, forced smile as he passed, and Hope had the terrible feeling of being avoided. Until recently she hadn't really noticed the hesitance of the people around her, but now she was painfully aware that she had not made much contact since losing Boone, and their community was suffering.

Ill as she felt, Hope smiled warmly back at Hurley, who looked surprised, but returned the smile with feeling. It felt good to have even this small connection with someone, and Hope realised how much she missed being a part of this group of people. She realised that Sayid was right – she hadn't been taking good care of herself; she should start letting her family help her.

It wouldn't be easy to jump right back into the way things were, but she could start small. Making the decision to get back to basics, and start working her way back into their community brought her a small spark of joy; and with the thought that there was no time like the present Hope went to see her Doctor.

"How are you feeling today?" Jack asked as she entered the caves and picked up a water bottle.

"Okay," Hope frowned slightly, "I think I had another dream last night…"

Jack snapped to attention. He remembered the last time that Hope had told him she was having dreams, and was not sure how to feel about delving into her memories once again.

"What did you dream?" he asked, trying to sound professional rather than extremely wary.

"I don't really remember," she frowned, "I was yelling at someone; someone who was leaving."

Jack smiled sadly, wondering if her complex mind was starting to push her into dealing with Boone's absence.

Hope took a swig of water and turned to ask, "I just wanted to check if it's okay for me to go fishing with Walt today? I mean, Jin's been working so hard on the raft – there hasn't been a lot of time for him to fish, right?"

"I think that should be okay," Jack nodded. "Just take care."

"Sure."

"You know we don't need the fish, right? Locke is bringing in more than enough boar to feed us."

"Yeah, I know," Hope had filled two bottles, and turned to leave. "The fishing isn't really about fishing, you know."

"Yeah," Jack smiled, "I know." He watched her leave, sure that she would make a wonderful mother if and when the time came.

"Hey, Walt!" Hope caught sight of him as he and Michael were moving towards the golf course with clubs in hand. They turned at the sound of her voice, waiting for her to catch up to them.

"I wondered if you wanted to do some fishing with me today, but it looks like you're busy with your dad, so…"

Walt looked up at Michael, silently questioning. Michael smiled, "You can go – there'll be other days for golf. You have to do your share of work around here, too, you know."

"I know," Walt said indignantly, but Hope knew he was happy to be working on something new. Jin's injury had made a decent excuse for them all to take a well deserved break from the raft.

Hope eyed the golf clubs. "You don't mind?" she asked Michael.

"Nah," he brushed it off and laughed, "I'll play with Hurley if I get really desperate. You just keep my boy under control – no treasure hunting or sandcastle competitions when he should be working!"

Hope smiled back, enjoying the easy jokes, "I'll keep a sharp eye on him."

Walt laughed, saluted his dad smartly and marched back towards the caves to find their makeshift fishing spears. Hope hung back with Michael and watched the boy make his military exit.

"And it's nice to have you back with us," Michael said softly, and Hope knew that he was referring to her recent mental state.

"Thankyou," she smiled gently at him and ambled away in Walt's wake.

Hours later Hope and Walt stood on their familiar old fishing rock. They were the original fishing team, starting long before Jin had made his net and showed them up with the number of fish he could catch in one sitting. They had feigned annoyance at the time, but Hope knew that they were both secretly relieved – it took them a whole day of concentration and accuracy while standing in full sun to catch what Jin could carry in one net-full.

They had no equipment but sharpened sticks and a blanket to put the fish in once they were caught, and their skills had become rusty since Jin had taken the primary role of providing fish. They stood poised for action, watching the clear ocean lap against the edge of their rock.

"I'm bored," Walt whispered when a good fifteen minutes had passed since they had seen any trace of a fish.

"I know," Hope sighed, "We're not as good as we used to be, are we?"

Walt shook his head solemnly, and narrowed his eyes against the glare on the water.

"So," Hope continued, resigning herself to a failed fishing venture, "How are things with you?"

"Fine," Walt shrugged, paused, and returned the inquiry, "How about you?"

Hope smiled softly, wishing she had not shut everyone out so completely. "Doing okay, thanks. It was pretty rough-going for a while there, but I think I'm going to be alright."

"I know you miss Boone – he was a nice guy."

Hope blinked tears away. "I do miss him, and he really was a nice guy," she smiled sadly, "I think I just need some time to deal with it all."

Walt nodded wisely, and Hope had the familiar feeling that he was like a grown man in a boy's body.

"I'm glad you're back," he said softly.

Hope's heart ached as she realised how she had let everything slip in the name of grief. She smiled back, "Me too."

Walt threw down his spear and hugged Hope tightly around her waist. She put her arms around his shoulders and thought how lucky she would be to have a son just like him.

"Let's call it a day," she said when they pulled away, and they wrapped the measly three fish they had caught in the blanket and walked back to the beach campsite.

"So, your dad's finally taking a day off, huh?" Hope asked as they approached the path to the caves.

"Yeah, he says the raft is going really well. We're working really hard on it."

"I know," Hope replied, "I've seen the group all working together. It seems like your dad and Jin are almost speaking the same language when you see them putting it all together. It's looking great."

"Yeah," Walt agreed proudly.

"Any idea who the last person to go with you will be?" Hope asked, wondering who, if anyone, their civilisation could afford to lose.

"Not yet," Walt said, "Me, dad, and Jin are still going for sure, but we haven't chosen the fourth person. I think dad secretly wants as much help as we can get from the whole group while everyone still thinks it could be them. He says they probably won't be so helpful if they know they're not coming with us."

Hope chuckled, "That's deviously clever of your dad."

"You don't think it's kind of wrong?" Walt looked concerned.

Hope considered this, "Maybe in theory, but to be honest with you, it's probably your best bet right now. You need people to help get the raft finished, and they're more likely to help if they might be the one to go with you. Plus, it's not like he's lying to them – he really hasn't decided yet, right?"

"Right," Walt looked happy with this answer.

"And in the end it doesn't matter who goes. If everything goes to plan, then whoever goes will get the rest of us rescued – it just means that those of us left here will be have to wait a little longer for a cooked meal." Hope smiled, trying to inspire faith that they would all be rescued eventually.

"Yeah," Walt looked content and proud as they approached the caves.

He ran off to the golf course to show his dad the catch of the day, leaving Hope to choose a story for that night. The sun would be setting soon, and the group from the caves would eat together before the beach-dwellers would join them for story time.

Hope wondered who the lucky fourth sailor would be; and if they were more likely to be rescued, or to be lost at sea. For the first time since the raft became a possibility, Hope acknowledged the idea that they might never see Michael and his crew again.


	5. Clear Signs

Author's Note: _Italics_ are used to indicate dreams. This format will be standard throughout the story. Please remember to review. Enjoy! Gitania

Hope Anew

Chapter 5: Clear Signs

_Hope could hear her own voice, speaking in a jumbled mess of words that she couldn't understand. Her left cheek ached with pain, and she could taste blood in her mouth. Suddenly, she was falling backwards, struggling to hold onto something that could break her fall. She screamed in surprise as she tumbled through the air, waiting for impact…_

"…please." Hope woke with a gasp, the falling sensation still in her stomach and the metallic taste of blood in her mouth. Adrenaline coursed through her body and she felt sick. She got up quickly, ran into the trees and vomited.

The cave group gave her strange looks as she wandered back into their midst, and she knew that they had all heard her impressive start to the day. She smiled weakly at the crowd and walked with purpose towards the main cave. She grabbed the nearest water bottle, and walked back towards the trees. Walt watched with wide eyes as Hope repeatedly swished water around in her mouth and then spat it into the undergrowth.

"Are you okay?" Walt asked, worried about his friend.

"Sure," Hope smiled, and drank some water, feeling that she had finally rid her mouth of the foul tastes. "Just not feeling a hundred percent today, that's all. I'll be fine."

The group were already heading in different directions, and Hope wondered if she had woken late.

"Has everyone been up for a while?" she asked Walt.

"No," the boy said kindly, "but I think they were ready to get going after…"

Hope smiled grimly, "After hearing me vomit spectacularly?"

Walt nodded with an expression that could only be described as 'grossed out'. Hope nodded in a business-like manner and went back to the cave for more water. Today was a day to see Claire.

"Hey there," Claire smiled calmly as Hope approached her on the beach. She was sitting in the sand, shaded by the trees at the edge of the jungle, watching her son as he played in the sand before her. "How's it going?"

"Okay," Hope shrugged and sat down beside Claire. "Can I talk to you about something? Something personal?"

Claire looked surprised, but smiled invitingly, "Of course. What's going on?"

Hope mentally psyched herself up to reveal her secret again. "I think I'm pregnant."

Claire's eyebrows shot up into her hairline, and she blew out a low whistle. "Big news – congratulations!"

"Thanks," Hope sniffed, feeling tears forming; and Claire's expression shifted to compassionate.

"Need some advice?" Claire offered.

Hope nodded meekly, and a stray tear fell down her cheek.

Claire put her arm around her friend, wiping the tear away in her motherly way, "Well, first I think you should go and see Jack – he was a huge help and comfort to me."

Hope nodded, "I've seen Jack. I skipped a period this month so I went for a check-up. I might have missed last month too, but I don't really remember – it was right when Boone…"

"I understand," Claire said softly. "So, what did Jack say?"

"He said it's probably too early to tell. Apparently skipping isn't enough of an indication on its own, so I'm supposed to wait for any other signs, and talk to you in the meantime about what to look for."

Claire laughed a little, "Well, throwing up is a big sign!"

Hope grimly ticked it off on her index finger, "Check – this morning. Though I did have a bad dream right beforehand, so maybe it was something to do with that."

"Have you seen Jack today?" Claire asked.

"No, I haven't seen him around yet. But I will."

"Good," Claire sighed, "I know this might sound kind of weak and unhelpful, but I think you just know when you're pregnant, you know?"

Hope nodded with interest, and Claire urged her on. "So, what do you think? Do you think you are?"

Hope sat quietly for a moment, and then nodded slowly. "I think I am."

"Well then," Claire said, "I think that's the clearest sign of all."

Tears fell from Hope's eyes in streams, and Claire hugged her tightly. The women sat side by side in silence for a long time, watching Aaron amusing himself by playing with handfuls of sand. Whenever he would hold the sand too near to his mouth, Claire would step in with a firm 'No', but otherwise they sat uninterrupted.

Eventually Hope broke the silence, "I think I should see Jack."

"I think that's a good idea," Claire smiled. "Then we can sit around and talk about babies!"

Hope laughed at Claire's excitement. It had never occurred to her that it might be lonely for Claire to be the only new mother in the community – in normal society there were support groups for that sort of thing.

"Thanks so much Claire – this has been great." Hope hugged her friend, and gave her an impulsive kiss on the top of her head, causing Claire to laugh out loud. Hope gave Aaron an affectionate pat on the head, and wandered away to find Jack.

"Sawyer! Have you seen Doctor Jack!" Hope called, walking past his shelter to see him reading as he sat on the sand outside.

Sawyer grinned and lifted his glasses as he called back, "Blondie cut her foot on a rock – he's in Aladdin's lair looking after her."

"Thanks."

Hope approached Sayid and Shannon's shelter as the pair and Jack walked out together.

"Just wash it in some sea water and stay off it for a couple of days while it heals," Jack said. "They're not deep enough for stitches; just be careful. Hey, Hope!"

He greeted her as she wandered over, and she gave a small wave in return.

"Hey," she said when she reached the group. "I was hoping I could make an appointment with you today."

"Are you okay?" Shannon asked. She stood on one foot, held up by Sayid on her weak side.

"I'll be fine," Hope said honestly. "How about you? Sawyer said you cut yourself."

"Yeah," Shannon rolled her eyes, "Just so you know – walking barefoot over the rocks at sunrise? Not as romantic as it sounds. Light gets in your eyes – not a good idea."

"I'll keep that in mind," Hope smiled at her friend, glad to see that she wasn't in any real pain.

"Anyway, I have to wash this," Shannon continued, gesturing to her lame foot. "See you later?"

"Sure," Hope said. "Hey, how about we do something today? Not a walk, obviously, but something."

Shannon smiled, happy to see her friend re-entering the real world. "'Something' sounds great. Come find me, okay? I'll be here." She rolled her eyes again, and Hope caught Sayid's smile as they turned to walk down to the water.

"So," Jack said when they were out of earshot, "What can I do for you today?"

"I threw up this morning," Hope got straight to the point, "And I think I'm having more dreams – but that's another thing entirely."

Jack sighed, "Starting with the strict medical issues then – you threw up? Do you think two fairly likely signs are enough for you to feel sure? I mean, we can chalk anything up to chance until you start showing; but that could be another month or more, depending on how far along you may or may not be at the moment."

"So, what are you saying?" Hope asked.

"Well, you seem a lot happier about the possibility now, so I don't mind telling you that I think you're going to be this island's next mommy."

"I think so, too."

Jack looked at her sceptically, "Is there something going on? You seem a lot happier today, and I can't help but think that I missed something. On a personal level, I mean; not medically."

"Well," Hope smiled, "Personally I realised that it's about time I started letting people help me through this. Something Sayid said really rang true, and it occurred to me that we really are a family here. I don't want to alienate myself anymore, and I don't want to mourn Boone forever. I mean, I am still mourning him; but I think it's time to start moving forwards again, don't you?"

"I do," Jack smiled, and Hope saw the grin reach his eyes. He shrugged in disbelief, "Wow, Hope. That's great! So, does that mean you're going to tell everyone about the baby?"

"In time. Right now I'm going back to basics – fishing with Walt, time with Shannon, story time. Things are going to get better from now on."

Jack laughed, "I know it will. I'm proud of you, Hope. It won't be easy, but we'll all be happy to help you get through; you know that, right?"

Hope nodded, "I know, Jack. Thanks. Maybe we can tackle the dreams another time?" she asked hopefully.

Jack nodded, "Soon, though."


	6. Start Spreading the News

Hope Anew

Chapter 6: Start Spreading the News

"Hey," Hope walked over to Shannon's shelter later in the day, to find her lazing outside in the sun. "You must be feeling better."

"Yeah," Shannon said, opening her eyes behind her sunglasses. "How about you – did you get your appointment with Jack?"

"Yeah, he says things are fine." Hope said honestly, taking a seat next to Shannon. She wanted to tell her friend the truth, but was worried about her reaction. "So, what do you want to do today?"

Shannon smiled grimly, "Well, I'm not really up for much in this state."

"You'll be fine in a few days," Hope laughed, "Stop trying to dramatise it!"

Shannon laughed and shrugged in defeat, "Okay, so I just don't feel like doing much. How about manicures and catching up? It's been a while since we talked."

"I know," Hope said apologetically. "I've had a lot on my mind, you know?"

Shannon nodded calmly, "And now?"

"Now…?" Hope sighed, "Still a lot, but I think it's going to be okay."

Shannon smiled encouragingly, and Hope smiled back.

"So," Hope said, rising to go into Shannon's shelter, "where do I find the materials for a manicure?"

"My bag's the one on the left," Shannon called from her place on the sand, "Check the small compartment in the front."

"Got it," Hope emerged from the shelter holding a small makeup bag, full to the brim with beautifying paraphernalia. She sat back in her place, Shannon dug out two files, and both women started filing their nails into shape.

"A deserted island really isn't a great place for nail care," Shannon said with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"You can't be that disappointed with things," Hope laughed, "You've got it pretty good here."

Shannon raised her eyebrows as though waiting for elaboration, as Hope noticed Sayid walking towards them.

"Well, him for one thing." Hope said with a smile, causing Shannon to turn and look.

"Ladies," Sayid greeted them, kissing Shannon lightly and sitting by her other side.

"I came to check on you," he said to Shannon, "but I can see that you are in good company."

Hope looked nervous; she felt that this was the best time to tell Shannon about the baby. Sayid was here to calm her if need be; and if things got really bad, at least she couldn't run far with an injured foot.

Hope took a deep breath and spoke, "Shannon, I have to tell you something."

Shannon looked surprised, but Sayid's expression remained calm. He had faith that Shannon would be happy with the news.

"I don't know how to tell you," Hope admitted.

Shannon's face shifted to concerned, and Hope took another deep breath.

"I'm going to have a baby," Hope said quickly, trying to gauge Shannon's reaction. "Boone's baby."

Shannon looked confused for a moment, as though she was doing complex mathematics in her head and the numbers weren't working out. Then her face broke into a huge smile, and she leaned over as far as she could while still sitting, to hug Hope emphatically.

"I can't believe this!" she shrieked. "I'm so happy for you! This is amazing! Sayid, isn't this incredible?"

She turned to look at Sayid, whose face never betrayed that he had already heard the news.

"A miracle," he said softly, repeating what he had said to her in the caves.

Hope laughed with relief. "I'm so glad that you're happy! I didn't know what you'd think," she admitted.

Shannon frowned, "Why not?"

"Because you and Boone were really close," Hope said. "I know that things are different now than when we first landed here," she gestured towards Sayid, indicating her current relationship, "but still, I wondered…"

Shannon looked a little taken aback.

"I'm sorry," Hope continued, "We're friends – I should have known that you'd be happy for me."

"Of course I am," Shannon smiled. "I'm just happy that you're happy."

"I was a little shocked at first," Hope admitted. "I cried a lot and generally freaked out," she smiled, "but I'm feeling much better about it all now. I'm happy."

Shannon grinned from ear to ear, overjoyed for her friend. "You should go and tell Boone," she suggested.

"I plan to," Hope said. "I want to give it a day or two to really sink in – I'm still pretty…"

"Messed up?" Shannon supplied.

"Yeah," Hope smiled in a resigned way. "I only found out for sure today – you're the first to know – so I want to live with it for a little while first."

"Sure," Shannon smiled, deciding not to push any more.

"Wow," Hope said, lying back on the sand. "It feels really good to say – I'm going to have a baby!"

Shannon laughed at her good naturedness. It had been a while since they had seen her like this. Sayid laughed too, but Hope saw a faraway look in his eyes, and wondered if he was looking forward to having children of his own one day.

"It's wonderful, Hope." Shannon said happily.

"Thanks, Shan. Thanks for being so great."

"So, are we keeping this a secret?" Sayid asked innocently, though Hope knew he was kidding her for berating him about secrecy a few nights before.

"No," Hope said confidently, "it's not a secret. You can tell anyone you like – but I'd like to tell Boone myself."

Shannon nodded in agreement. "I guess that's fair," she said, "as long as I can tell anyone else – I love having the newest gossip."

"Plus, it'll keep you busy while you're sitting here for the next few days," Hope smiled.

Shannon laughed, and then stopped abruptly. "I just had a thought," she said. "What about story time? I can't miss it just to sit here on my ass."

Hope looked up at Sayid, who smiled graciously.

"Then I shall have to carry you," he said with an affectionate kiss to Shannon's head.

Hope felt a sharp stab of sorrow in her chest, and smiled sadly at the pair.

"I better go, you guys," she said quietly. "I told Walt yesterday that I'd try and watch some of his golf game today – I don't want to miss it."

"Okay," Shannon said, "I guess we'll see you tonight then."

"For sure," Hope gave them each a hug, and stood to leave.

As she walked away towards the caves, Hope's eyes strayed towards Boone's makeshift grave. It wouldn't be long before she would have to visit him; and she found that even in a life that was threatened at every turn by monsters and memories; talking to Boone again was the one thing that truly terrified her.


	7. Night Terrors

Hope Anew

Chapter 7: Night Terrors

"Mind if I sit down?" Hope asked Walt as she approached him by the fire.

Night had fallen, and the group from the beach could be heard walking through the jungle towards the caves. Story time would begin as soon as they all arrived, and Hope was finally looking forward to it again.

"Sure," Walt said good-naturedly, and Hope settled herself by his side. "How was your day?"

"Fine, thankyou," Hope said, smiling at his politeness. "I got to spend time with a lot of people today – it was nice. I enjoyed your golf game best, though," she added with a wink.

Walt grinned with pride. He started flipping through the pages of the well worn book of fairytales as the first of the beach group emerged from the undergrowth.

"How about 'Cinderella'?" Hope asked, waving to Claire as she and Aaron followed Kate to a spot near the fire.

"Nah," Walt shook his head. "Maybe something about pirates!"

"Pirates?" Hope laughed, "I don't know if you'll find anything like that in there. Maybe 'Peter Pan'?"

"Yeah!" Walt said enthusiastically, flipping to the contents page to find the story. "Maybe you could read tonight?" he suggested.

"How come?"

"My eyes are getting tired from reading in the dark," Walt admitted. "I didn't want to tell my dad in case he says I need glasses. Maybe I could just take a break for a little while and see if they get better?"

Hope looked concerned, "Are you sure? I think you should at least talk to Jack about your eyes – your dad won't even have to know. Okay?"

"Okay," Walt said reluctantly. "But will you read for tonight?"

"Sure," Hope smiled.

The pair turned to watch the last of the beach dwellers walk through the trees and take their places amongst the group. Sayid was last of all; carrying Shannon gracefully through the trees, putting her down softly on a log, and settling himself next to her. Shannon grinned over at Hope, and she smiled back – whether on a deserted island or not, Shannon knew how to get the Royal Treatment.

Hope saw Sun settling down next to Jin. She sat close enough to whisper softly in his ear, ready to begin translating the story into Korean.

"Okay," Hope saw a few eyebrows raise in surprise as she addressed the group. "Tonight's story was chosen by Walt. In his vast search for a story about pirates…" she smiled affectionately at the boy, "…he's decided on 'Peter Pan'. So – 'Once upon a time there was a family called the Darlings. Mr. and Mrs. Darling had three children; two boys – Michael and John, and a daughter named Wendy.'…"

_Hope's words were still jumbled – she was yelling chaotic sounds at the man standing before her. He looked strangely familiar; a young man with dark hair and a strong physique. Her voice died away and Hope felt a sharp sting in her cheek. She felt her body lift from the ground, and she was flying like Peter Pan. She fell gracefully through the air for a moment, until gravity caught her and pulled her down hard. She tasted blood in her mouth as the scream escaped her lips…_

"…please." Hope's eyes opened wide, and she saw the dark-haired man standing over her in the dim light of the fire. His face was in shadow, and it flooded Hope with fear. She fought for control of her mind and screamed desperately.

The man bent over her, and the firelight hit his features.

"Hope!" Jack bent over Hope and shook her shoulders hard. "Hope!"

"Jack?" Hope was breathless, watching as the man in her dream transformed before her eyes into a man that she knew and trusted. She cried with relief at seeing her friend, "Jack."

Jack knelt beside Hope and held her tight. She cried pitifully into his shoulder, completely unaware that she had woken the whole camp with her screams.

"It's okay," Jack whispered against her hair, "You're alright now."

After a few minutes of tears, Hope pulled away and gave an almighty sniff, wiping her eyes on her sleeve.

"I'm fine," she croaked; her throat dry from crying.

"Let's get you some water, huh?" Jack said soothingly, pulling her up from the ground.

"It's fine," he told the group. "Just a bad dream – nothing to worry about."

The crowd made various noises of disbelief. They all remembered the last time Hope's dreams had turned ugly; and no-one was keen to repeat the experience. But as it was still the middle of the night, they had no choice but to settle back down and hope that sleep would return to them. There was nothing that they could do for Hope but leave her in peace and let Jack do his job.

Hope and Jack walked into the main cave, and he handed her a full water bottle.

"Thanks. Feels familiar, right?" She joked feebly about her previous nightmares as she sipped the water.

"A little too much," Jack replied grimly. "Maybe 'soon' wasn't soon enough to talk about these dreams. Maybe we have to start looking at 'now'."

"Now works for me," Hope said with a tired sigh.

Jack adopted his well-known 'Doctor Tone' as he asked, "It's not the same dream again, is it?"

Hope shook her head, "No. In this one I'm talking to a man, but I can't understand the words that are coming out of my mouth – they're all jumbled. Then my cheek starts to hurt, and I can taste blood; and then I'm falling backwards. Then I wake up," she finished lamely.

"And how long have you been having this one?" Jack asked.

"A few nights," Hope said. "Three or four, maybe."

"Okay," Jack sighed deeply, and Hope noticed the dark rings under his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Jack," she said softly. "I don't mean to drag you into this – not again. I can't believe this keeps happening to me."

"It's okay," Jack smiled comfortingly. "I've been thinking about it today; since you told me the dreams were back," he said. "I think that the only reason your memories come out in your dreams is that it's the only time you're not too guarded for them to get through."

"So, what can I do?" Hope asked sadly.

"Don't be so reserved all the time," Jack suggested. "Open up a little; let people really see you." He gave a small smile, hoping he wasn't overstepping his bounds, "Be honest with yourself."

Hope looked at the ground, determined not to start crying again.

"Like right now," Jack observed. "It's okay if you want to cry. Who are you trying to protect by keeping these walls up all the time? You weren't always like this, you know."

"Only since Boone?" Hope asked in a whisper, letting the tears fall silently down her face.

"Since Boone died, yes. Since Boone, no. You and Boone were so happy together. He was so in love with you, and now he's gone. I can't even imagine how hard that must be for you."

Hope's shoulders shook as she cried, and Jack moved to put an arm around her as he continued.

"You two looked like you had your own world when you were together." Jack turned Hope's face with his hand and looked straight into her eyes, "I think you're doing him a great injustice by pushing him out of your life like this. He's gone from our sight, but not necessarily from our lives. You should be talking about him, remembering him, keeping him as a part of you."

"I can't," Hope sobbed into Jack's already tear-soaked shoulder. "I miss him so much. I loved him so much. It's not fair, Jack – we were so happy."

"I know," Jack whispered. "But do you really want to keep feeling this way? You said it was time to make the changes – to move forward. You have to let go of this pain you're carrying around. These nightmares about your past will never go away if you can't even face your present. I think it's time, don't you?"

Hope smiled through her tears as Jack quoted her own words back to her. She knew the road would be long and hard, but she really did want to start feeling better.

She swallowed hard and whispered, "I don't know how to start."

"I think you should start by writing," Jack suggested. "You used to scribble like crazy, but I haven't even seen your notebook out for weeks."

"I haven't written since Boone died," Hope confessed, forcing herself to complete the sentence rather than letting her words fade away as usual.

"Give it a try," Jack urged. "I think it could really help you. Even if all you write is, 'Today I'm sad', okay?"

"Okay," Hope nodded and sniffed, wiping her sleeve down her wet cheeks.

Jack smiled at her childlike actions. He took the water bottle from her, tipped some water on his hands, and cleaned her face in a fatherly fashion.

"Thanks," she said softly, embarrassed at the extent to which she had fallen apart. "I'll try writing tomorrow."

"Good idea," Jack said. "Do you think you can go back to sleep? I'll stay up with you if you want…"

"It's okay," Hope smiled meekly, "I'll try to go back to sleep. It's late."

Jack stood and helped Hope up from her seat. He smiled encouragingly at her.

"It's going to be okay, you know," he said gently.

"I know," Hope nodded bravely. They exited the cave and stood for a moment, listening to the sounds of the others sleeping around them.

Jack threw a log on the fire, and sat down near it with his back against the rock that made the cave wall. He gestured to Hope to sit next to him, and she settled down by his side. She laid her head softly on his shoulder, and Jack watched over her as she surrendered to sleep.


	8. The Final Four

Author's Note: Writing in **bold** is writing in Hope's notebook. _Italics_ are still dreams. This will apply for the rest of the story. I think it's fairly straightforward – please write and let me know if you think otherwise. Enjoy! Gitania

Hope Anew

Chapter 8: The Final Four

"What a way to start the day," Jack joked as Hope emerged from the undergrowth.

She shot him an unimpressed look as she washed her mouth out with water.

She had slept fitfully, even under the watch of her Doctor, and woke before the rest of the group. She was sure that waking up to the sound of vomiting was not a highlight for Jack, but her morning sickness was doing nothing to improve Hope's mood either.

"I'm going to get out of here before everyone wakes up," Hope said in a whisper, trying not to wake anyone else. "I'd rather avoid all the questions about last night."

"Sure," Jack nodded. "Where are you headed?"

"To the beach to start off," Hope said. "Maybe I'll go for a walk from there – I'm not really sure yet."

"No problem," Jack said; handing her the water bottles he had filled while she was indisposed.

Hope packed the water bottles into a backpack and added her notebook and tin of writing materials. She gave Jack a warm hug and headed off towards the beach path, tiptoeing over sleeping bodies as she went.

The rising sun was casting faint morning shadows over the sand as Hope reached the beach. She cast her eyes over the scene before her – the raft at one end of the camp, and makeshift shelters dotted all over the coastline. She listened to the waves on the shore, realising how much more peaceful it was here than at the caves.

"Hey there, Peaches," Sawyer greeted her as she passed his shelter while walking along the beach.

"Hey Sawyer," she smiled in a tired way and he noticed the dark circles beginning to form under her eyes. "You're up early."

"I'm always up early, Peaches," he said, stretching as he snuggled deeper into the warming sand. "The damn baby starts up around sunrise and it's tough to go back to sleep after you've been woken up by screaming, you know?"

Hope felt a surge of guilt as she thought of the group that shared the caves. Waking up to her screams was surely worse than waking up to her morning sickness.

"So," Sawyer said lazily, inviting her to sit down, "How's things?"

Hope sighed and gave a tired smile, implying hard times. She put her backpack down and sat heavily next to Sawyer on the sand.

"That great, huh?" He gave a small smile and said conversationally, "I hear the 'possible addition' is a definite."

"Word gets around fast in this place," Hope remarked.

"Not really," Sawyer replied. "It was actually a guess; but it's nice to know the real news right from the source."

Hope laughed, "So, you haven't heard it around?"

"Not yet, Peaches." Sawyer smirked, "Besides, who'd tell me anyway? I don't exactly go around inviting folks over for tea and chit-chat."

"You have your sources." She shrugged, "You knew anyway – you were the first to know."

"Yeah," Sawyer said with a teasing look of exaggerated pride. "So, what brings you so far from home so early in the day?"

Hope paused before saying softly, "I just had to get away for a while."

"Needing some alone time, huh?" Sawyer asked in an understanding tone. Hope was often surprised by his depth of perception, but then she supposed that she wasn't exactly difficult to read at the moment.

"You can use this place," Sawyer said lightly, gesturing around them to his shelter.

"What?"

"The shelter," Sawyer said, drawing out the words as though she were slow. "God knows you cave people got no privacy, and I don't need the place today – we're getting back to work on the raft as soon as everyone's up; no more rest for the wicked," he grinned.

"You'd let me borrow your shelter?" Hope asked sceptically. "What do you want for it?"

"Damn, Peaches – you still got that spunk!" Sawyer said with a laugh of true amusement. He thought for a minute, but no flash of evil brilliance hit him, "Maybe you can owe me?"

"No way, Sawyer. How can we make a deal if you can make up your own twisted terms whenever it suits you?"

Hope knew she was over tired, but she wasn't completely stupid – she knew that no matter how nice he seemed, Sawyer was still Sawyer. He was deviously smart, and she wouldn't be beaten for something as simple as a day of privacy.

"Okay, fine," Sawyer said, a little disappointed that he wouldn't be able to collect whatever he wanted on this debt at a later date. He stood up as the pair noticed movement outside – people were awake and starting to head towards the raft. "Forget deals, Peaches; just take the place for the day. I don't need anything for it – Christ, I'll be on a damn boat soon enough; I won't need hardly anything at all!"

"You'll be on a boat?" Hope asked, standing up next to him, "You're going on the raft?"

Sawyer grinned proudly, "Got picked for the final four yesterday. I would've told you, but you were busy reading the story last night. Good choice with 'Peter Pan', by the way – I always liked that one. You gotta love a story with pirates."

"So, you'll be going away," Hope said, surprised at how disappointed the thought made her.

"Yup," he nodded, ready to leave the shelter. "So do you want the place or not, Peaches?"

"Sure," Hope smiled, looking around her. Sawyer's shelter was probably the most comfortable abode on the island – he was definitely a fortunate friend to have. "I'd love to borrow it – thanks Sawyer."

"No problem, kid – just don't go snooping through my stuff."

Hope smiled, and watched as Sawyer ambled outside, joining a small crowd heading towards the raft.

Hope sighed and surveyed her surroundings once she was sure that Sawyer had gone. She felt safe in the shelter; it was shady and cool, and she could hear the ocean outside. It was nice to have her own space – she was alone but not lonely. The sounds of people working with wood reached her ears and she curled up in a big chair from Business Class that Sawyer had taken for his own.

She retrieved her notebook from her discarded backpack, and snuggled deeper into the plush chair. She tapped a pen absentmindedly against the chair arm as she listened to the sounds from outside. Remembering Jack's advice that writing anything was better than nothing; she opened the notebook and put the pen to paper.

**Sawyer has leant me his shelter for the day. He says that I don't owe him anything for it, but I'm still not so sure… He's going away on the raft, along with Michael, Walt and Jin. Shannon has cut her foot; but she seems to be well enough to use it as an excuse to be carried around by Sayid. Aaron is growing bigger every day and Claire is handling him like a pro. Jack works hard, as usual, though he seems to be getting tired lately. **

**I know how trivial these things may seem – writing about the others seems so much easier than writing about myself. Writing about myself is hard… **

Hope sighed deeply, feeling the near-sleepless night before hit her hard. She closed her eyes gently, leaning into the soft chair beneath her. She listened to the sounds of the raft group giving each other instructions and talking as they worked; and all the time the waves kept crashing…

_Hope's cheek stung and the blood filled her mouth as she lay on the ground. Her body ached from the impact and she could sense him looming above her, even with her eyes closed. She opened them slowly, focussing as he entered her field of vision. Angry tears ran down her cheeks and his empty eyes searched her own. He turned on his heel and left her sight…_

"…please." Hope woke with a start; her eyes struggling to adjust to the afternoon light that filled the shelter. The anger that she felt in her dream still coursed through her body, and she sat upright to begin writing.

As Hope wrote down the details from memory she felt the anger turning to determination – she had to figure out this dream like she had the last time. She quickly marked down the dream from the night before as well, watching the words forming on the page in a detached way. As she came to the end of the dream, Hope could picture the man in her mind; walking away from her as she lay on the ground in pain. She turned to a new page in her notebook.

**I'm being haunted by dreams again. I'm so tired, but afraid to fall asleep. Maybe I'll move to the beach – it's so much more relaxed here. I feel better since waking from this last dream. It's a different one from the last few nights – the others have all been essentially the same. I have a new piece of the puzzle to work with. I have to figure this out. I think I have to talk to Boone, but it scares me. Strange, how the one person that used to bring me the most comfort now brings me nothing but apprehension.**

Hope put her pen down and closed the notebook as she heard someone approaching the shelter.

"Come on," Sawyer said as he entered; turning directly around and exiting again.

Hope stayed in the chair with a bemused expression on her face.

Sawyer appeared in the doorway again, "I don't like to repeat myself, Peaches; now come on."

She stood up quickly and followed Sawyer out of the shelter, leaving her notebook on the chair. As she stepped outside Hope could see that everyone that lived on the beach were in the ocean, swimming together as the sun hung low in the sky.

"What's everyone doing?" Hope asked.

"Relaxing after work," Sawyer said. "We don't all spend our days sitting around, you know."

Hope looked closely at Sawyer, realising that he was covered in sweat from a hard day's labour.

"Well come on, Peaches," Sawyer grabbed her tattooed wrist and pulled her towards the water.

The pair removed their shoes and outer clothing, and walked into the sea with the others. Claire and Aaron were wading near the shore, and Hope could see Shannon and Sayid laughing together as he helped her into deeper water. The ocean felt clean and crisp. Hope dove under the water, enjoying the silence that pressed against her ears. She swam out deep with Sawyer and joined the group of body surfers who were waiting for a decent wave.

"So," Hope smiled at Sawyer, gesturing to the water that surrounded them, "Are you ready to spend an unspecified period of time living on this stuff, sailor?"

Sawyer grinned genuinely, "Absolutely."

A fast-moving wave rolled in behind them and Hope laughed as the group caught it together, all the way back to shore.


	9. A LongAwaited Visit

Hope Anew

Chapter 9: A Long-Awaited Visit

"How's the raft coming along?" Hope asked as Sawyer entered the shelter late in the afternoon.

"You should come see it," Sawyer replied, "She's looking good."

The pair had settled into an easy rhythm after a few days of sharing space. Sawyer was letting Hope inhabit his shelter without comment, and she was grateful for the time and space that this allowed her. Most of the time they were out of each others way – Sawyer was busy working on the raft, and Hope kept busy working on herself.

She was starting to venture out of the shelter more and more, spending time with her island 'family'. She had even offered to help with the raft the day before; though she was refused due to what the group were lovingly calling her 'condition'.

"How soon before you'll be ready to set off?" Hope asked.

"Two days," he said. "That's the plan, anyway."

"I'm surprised you're still getting so much help," Hope remarked, remembering a past conversation with Walt. "I wasn't sure people would be so happy to lend a hand once word got out that they weren't on the crew."

Sawyer shrugged, "I guess they all want to get off this damn island, and right now the raft's our best bet." He paused before continuing, "Speaking of word getting out; it seems like nobody can talk about anything but you right now, Peaches."

"I know," Hope gave an embarrassed laugh, "I'm getting people coming up to me all the time now – telling me how great they think it is that I'm producing a 'new generation of islanders', giving me parenting tips – it's crazy!"

Sawyer laughed. He dropped his sweat-soaked shirt over the arm of the aeroplane chair and followed Hope out of the shelter for their end-of-day swim.

That night Hope sat trying to dry her wet hair in front of the fire at the caves. The beach crowd had just left, after listening to Walt read 'Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves' at story time. Even though she was spending her days at the beach; Hope always returned to the caves for story time, and stayed there to sleep.

"How are things going?" Jack asked her in Doctor Tone as sat beside her in the space that Claire and a sleeping Aaron had just vacated.

"Pretty good, I think," Hope smiled. "The dreams aren't as frequent, or maybe I'm getting used to them. I'm sleeping better, at any rate, even if I am still sick in the mornings! I don't know why," she said slowly, "but I think the dream has something to do with the baby."

Jack looked confused, "Any ideas about what specifically?"

"Not yet. I'm going to talk to Boone," Hope said with a confidence that sounded too forced to be real. "I'm going tomorrow. I've put it off for long enough now – it's time to face my fears."

"That's great, Hope," Jack smiled encouragingly. "I better let you get some sleep then. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Jack." Hope gave him a warm smile, "Thanks for checking in."

"No problem."

Hope lay down in her usual place by the fire, and found herself thinking about Boone. She was still afraid to go to his grave, but after spending almost a week hiding from it at the beach; she knew that it was time to go. She had spent a lot of time talking to Shannon over the last few days, who had told Hope in no uncertain terms that she had 'a support system in place should she need it'. She drifted into sleep, hoping that Shannon's words would be enough to get her through the next day.

Hope woke slowly in the morning, though still earlier than anyone else at the caves. She felt a dull emptiness in her stomach that she knew had nothing to do with morning sickness. She got up quickly, busying herself by filling water bottles and collecting fruit to eat during the day. By the time she set off down the path to the beach Hope was walking fast and breathing in a controlled way – slow and deep, trying to keep her fears from taking over.

Hope looked up only as she reached Boone's grave. She stood a good ten feet away from it, feeling the fear come creeping into her chest. She took a deep breath and forced her right foot forwards. One step at a time, she approached the spot where she had stood at Boone's funeral; and sat down.

"Hi," Hope said softly, looking at the sand beside her where she knew his face would be. She got a chill thinking about his cold form as he was lowered into the ground, and she shivered violently.

Immediately her eyes filled with tears, and Hope resisted the urge to hold them back. She remembered what Jack had said, and she was working with all her might to tear down the walls she had built around herself since Boone had died. The sounds of the raft group going to work were starting up from not too far away, and Hope tried to comfort herself with the knowledge that her support system was only a short walk away.

She took a deep breath and pictured his smiling face in her mind. She leaned forwards and whispered, "I've missed you… I'm going to have a baby – our baby." Hope listened to her frail tone of voice and gave herself a mental shaking. She was a grown woman, and it was time to start acting like one.

"Okay," she said forcefully, trying to will herself brave, "I came here to talk to you, Boone. I miss you. I'm sad. I wish you were here. I'm going to have our baby and I'm scared out of my mind. I have no idea how I'm supposed to get through this without you, and it basically terrifies me. But I don't want to be sad anymore – I'm so tired… I'm tired of mourning you, and I'm so tired of feeling so alone and afraid…"

Hope sat for a long time, crying by Boone's grave. She felt lighter after finally voicing these fears that she had kept silent for so long. She felt the heavy blanket of sorrow lifting slowly from her shoulders. A gentle breeze blew in from the ocean and Hope felt comforted. It was as though Boone had reached out to her, if only for an instant.

"Okay Boone," she whispered, "I know you can hear me. I loved you so much – I'm going to love you forever… But I can't keep on feeling like this; it's killing me. I have to let you go. Is that okay?"

She paused before asking quietly, "Maybe you could give me some kind of sign or something…"

Hope fell respectfully silent, listening and looking around her for some kind of sign from Boone. She sat for a long time before feeling the warm breeze on her face again. Her ears picked up, and she heard clearly from where the group were working on the raft –

"Let go!"

"What?" Hope sat up quickly, unsure of what she had heard.

"It's okay!" The voice called clearly; and though she knew it was crazy Hope was almost sure that it was Boone calling out to her, "It's okay; let go!"

Hope sat stunned, and smiled softly when the next sound to reach her ears was that of a sail being let out, and filling with air. Someone had been calling to let the sails go, and Boone was using it to tell her the same. Let go.

"Okay," she said softly, feeling a huge weight lift from her heart. "I'm going to let you go. I know that's okay. I'll come and see you again soon, I promise. I love you, Boone; I'm going to be okay."

Hope stood with a new feeling of warmth within her and walked away from the grave, towards the beach camp.

"Wow, she looks great!" Hope said to Michael, admiring how strong and seaworthy the raft looked.

"Hey, thanks," Michael said, smiling as he checked the open sails. "I think the sails are all set. Okay, Jin, pull them back up."

Hope watched Michael nod and imitate pulling on a rope as he spoke to Jin. He looked like the miming half of a charades team; and Jin would obviously make a good partner, because he pulled the sails up straight away.

"So, was it you calling to let the sails go?" Hope asked curiously.

"Huh?" Michael looked confused.

"Letting the sails go – was it you calling out the commands?"

"There were no commands," Michael said, giving Hope a strange look. "I let them go myself – we weren't calling for anything."

Hope looked over her shoulder towards Boone's grave in wonder. She had thought that he was using the others to send her a message, but it seemed that the message was just between them.

She smiled and shrugged, looking back at Michael, "My mistake."

Jin walked over to them and mimed eating, causing Michael to nod emphatically.

"Yeah, I could eat. Let's go see Kate, okay?" He nodded and pointed towards Kate, who was not far away, doing her part by setting up a makeshift tray full of fruits and cooked meat. "You want to get some lunch with us?" he asked Hope.

"Yeah," Hope smiled, "that sounds good."


	10. Depart

Hope Anew

Chapter 10: Depart

"Hey Peaches," Sawyer smiled as Hope entered the shelter the next morning.

"Hey Sawyer," Hope said, offering him a smile in return. "So, today's the day, huh?"

"Yup," he grinned, "The raft's all ready – we're just collecting the last of the supplies, then we're heading out."

"Wow," Hope said sadly.

Since Sawyer had been chosen as the final passenger on the raft Hope had felt a strange sadness. She and Sawyer had become good friends and she enjoyed his company; she would be sorry to see him leave.

"So, since I won't be around much longer," Sawyer said in a business-like way, "I've decided it's time to cash in a favour."

Hope looked at him with mistrust, answering slowly, "I don't owe you a favour."

"Now, I don't think that's entirely true, Peaches." Sawyer was enjoying himself immensely, making Hope's stomach twist. "See, I let you spend a day here without payment, but you've been hanging around for a hell of a long time now, and my generosity don't come cheap."

"You want me to give you something for being able to spend my time here?" Hope was outraged, "You said it was free of charge, no payment necessary – what happened to all that?"

"Decided it wasn't the way to go…" Sawyer grinned lazily and sat down in his chair, "Don't worry so much, Peaches – you'll like what I got planned."

Hope sincerely doubted this. She placed her hands on hips and glared, ready to defend her position. "What do you want?"

He paused dramatically and then swept an arm around the shelter, "I want you to take care of the place while I'm gone."

Hope was dumbfounded, "What?"

"Stay here and take care of the place while I'm out on the raft. I don't want anyone thinking they can go through my stuff just because I'm out on a boat-ride."

Hope looked around the shelter. It was the Shangri La of the island, especially compared to sleeping on the hard ground of the caves. She found it hard to believe that Sawyer would consider the debt repaid if she stayed there.

In need of reassurance and clarification, Hope asked, "You want me to stay here, and then you'll feel like I've paid you back for the inconvenience I've caused you by being here all the time?" Once again, she failed to understand the Sawyer-logic.

"Okay Peaches, let's cut the crap," Sawyer said briskly, standing up and walking towards her. He grinned his Cheshire Cat grin, "I know you want to stay here, you know you want to stay here – so just stay, and save us both the time spent arguing; I've got things to do."

Hope smiled with disbelief, happy with her temporary new home, "Whatever you want, Sawyer."

"You know, women used to say that to me all the damn time," he said, staring into space wistfully. He snapped his eyes back to Hope's and smirked to show his humour.

She laughed as he headed out of the shelter, but she couldn't ignore the strange feeling in her chest when his eyes had met hers without warning. She sighed deeply, pulling her notebook from her backpack to organise her thoughts.

"Letters, letters," Charlie called out as he walked around with a big glass bottle. The bottle was filled with pieces of paper – messages from the islanders that they hoped would reach their families. Hope and Shannon stood together, pulling their messages from their pockets.

"You're sure?" Shannon asked.

Hope nodded, saying slightly hopefully, "It might not even get to them, right?"

"But if it does, you'll always be a part of our family." Shannon laughed scornfully, "I mean, it's not much of a family, but you and I can take care of each other. I'll be the best Aunt..."

"Thanks, Shan." Hope smiled at her friend.

It was Shannon who had convinced her to write a letter at all. She couldn't write to her own family, so she wrote to Boone and Shannon's. She had written about Boone's endless bravery and helpfulness on the island; and about their baby. She wasn't sure how the news would be taken by Boone's wealthy relations, but she felt better knowing that her baby had the possibility of a family waiting for it.

Charlie came closer, offering them the bottle, "Letters, ladies?"

The women dropped their papers into the bottle, and thanked Charlie. He wandered away towards Hurley, who was guarding his letter carefully.

"Shannon?" A small voice addressed them, and they turned to see Walt beside them, holding tightly onto Vincent's leash.

"Yeah?" Shannon had never been close to the boy, and she wondered why he would seek her out.

Hope felt that this was a private moment, so she turned to smile at Walt, "I'll let you guys talk."

Walt nodded, and Hope could tell that he was still a little afraid of Shannon. Hope walked away from the unusual pair, and headed towards Michael.

"Ready to go?" she asked.

"Ready as we'll ever be," Michael smiled brightly, but Hope could sense his nerves.

"You're going to save us all," Hope said with quiet conviction. "Good luck!"

Michael leant down and hugged Hope tightly. She heard his whisper in her ear, "Thanks for taking care of my boy – he thinks the world of you."

Hope smiled into his shoulder, "He's special, Michael. Take care of him for me, okay?"

They pulled apart, and a group of others approached Michael to wish him well. Hope disappeared into the crowd, looking for someone in particular. She saw him standing alone by the tree line, watching the group as they said goodbye to the sailors.

"Sawyer," Hope walked up to him, but he avoided her eyes. "Why aren't you with the group?"

"Forget it, Peaches," he said angrily, "who's going to want to wish me a tearful farewell?"

Hope watched in confusion as he walked away from her, towards his shelter.

"Hey Hope!" Walt was running towards her; and she noticed Shannon standing near the water holding Vincent on his leash and looking solemn.

"Hey, Walt," she smiled at the boy, missing him already.

"We're almost ready to leave," he said with a small frown.

"I know," Hope said calmly, "Are you ready?"

Walt paused, and then spoke quietly, "I'm kind of scared."

Hope smiled at the boy, "That's allowed. But you've got your dad to take care of you, as well as Jin and Sawyer. Nothing's going to happen to you."

Walt smiled sadly and nodded, "I'm going to miss you."

Hope hugged him warmly, "I'll miss you, too."

"Walt!" Michael was calling from his place on the raft.

"I better go," Walt said slowly.

"Okay," Hope tried to smile encouragingly. "I'll be there to see you off."

Walt ran off towards his father, and Hope looked around for Sawyer. She saw him leaving his shelter, walking fast towards the raft. She took off at a run to intercept him.

"Sawyer!"

He looked pained to see her, but he stopped to let her catch up to him.

"Sawyer," she said quietly, "I want to tell you something."

"What is it, Peaches?" he asked quietly, and she could hear the bitterness in his voice.

Hope could see the sadness on his face as she continued, "I know you think that no-one will care that you're gone; but you're wrong. I'll care."

She felt the strange feeling in her chest again as he raised his eyes to look at her.

Hope felt tears forming as she whispered, "I'll think of you every day; I'll pray that you're safe – and when you get back I'll even consider returning your shelter," she joked.

Sawyer laughed a little, and Hope felt a small victory.

"You've always been a good friend to me," Hope went on, "I'll miss you a lot. Come back safe, okay?"

The first of the tears ran down Hope's cheek, and Sawyer wiped it away gently with his thumb. He leant down and wrapped Hope in his arms, holding her tightly.

"Thanks, Peaches," he said softly, his voice cracking slightly.

She clung to him, never wanting to let go, when she realised that they were being watched. She released him and turned around – the raft crew had boarded, and the whole group were waiting for Sawyer so that they could launch it into the water.

Hope looked at Sawyer guiltily. "You better go," she sniffed.

Sawyer ignored her, placing his hand on her cheek with as much confidence as he could muster. He leaned in to kiss her lightly on the mouth, and Hope felt her heart ache with the knowledge that she was about to be left again.

He pulled away regretfully, and Hope caught a glance of his self-assured smile before he pulled her into another quick hug.

"Well, you've really killed my image now," he whispered with a chuckle.

Hope smiled at him through tears as they pulled away; and watched him walk confidently towards the raft. Michael helped him up onto the vessel and the group on the sand took their places at the sides to begin pushing them into the water.

Hope let out a subconsciously held breath as the raft was submerged in the sea, floating without any trouble at all. A great cheer went up from the crowd, and she felt herself smiling along.

The group dispersed slowly as the raft moved further and further out to see; but Hope stayed long after it had disappeared from sight. As the sun dipped below the horizon, she brushed the sand from her clothes and silently joined the end of the line of people walking to the caves for story time.


	11. The Advisors

Hope Anew

Chapter 11: The Advisors

"Hope?" Locke grinned a little.

"What? Sorry." Hope looked guiltily up at the faces around her; all waiting to hear what happened after the prince kissed the Sleeping Beauty.

It was the worst story time on record. Hope was so distracted by her thoughts of Sawyer's kiss that she could barely see the book in front of her – let alone read it aloud to a large group of people. But Walt was on the raft, which made it her job to keep story time going; she just had to concentrate.

She cleared her throat and continued, "…Sleeping Beauty's eyes opened at once, woken from her magical sleep by true love's first kiss. Downstairs, the King and Queen woke in their thrones and the servants sat up slowly from where they had lain asleep on the kitchen floor. The forest of thorns around the castle slowly disappeared, and the sun shone through it's windows for the first time in one hundred years…"

Hope kept the story alive until 'happily ever after' then closed the book and set it beside her with a short sigh of relief. The crowd around her began to move and talk, and Hope felt that she was finally out of the limelight – at least until the next night.

"I liked all of the dramatic pauses," Locke smiled impishly at her from his place near the fire. He was skilfully crushing herbs into a piece of bark and pouring the liquid into a bottle of water.

Hope rolled her eyes at her own distractedness, "Not my best effort, I'll admit."

"Well, you have a lot on your mind."

Hope looked at him suspiciously, "I do?"

Locke patted the seat next to him that Hurley had just left available, and Hope moved to sit beside him. "Jack told me about your new dream," Locke said quietly.

Hope sighed, "No secrets around here."

Locke smiled sympathetically as he stirred the herbs, "Anything I can do?"

"I don't think so," Hope shook her head. "Not this time. But thanks."

"Well, you let me know if there's anything," he smiled in a friendly way. "Someone's got to take care of you now your man's not around."

Hope smiled sadly, "I went to see him the other day."

Locke looked puzzled, "Went to see who?"

"What?" Hope was confused. "Boone. Who else?"

Locke looked at her seriously, "I wasn't talking about Boone."

Hope laughed a little at her own confusion, "You just said that my man's not around…"

"I meant Sawyer," Locke replied simply.

Hope was taken aback. Boone's face filled her thoughts, and she felt immediately guilty for ever letting Sawyer enter her mind.

"Sawyer and I aren't together," she said firmly.

"Not at the moment." Locke smiled as though she were missing something obvious, "How could you be? He's on the raft."

"I don't mean physically together." Hope sighed in frustration and looked up at Locke's smiling face, "Are you messing with me? If you are, then cut it out – I don't need the extra complication right now."

"I don't think you know what you need," Locke said in his matter-of-fact tone. He rose from his seat and handed Hope the bottle of water, which had turned a weak shade of green. "This is for you."

"What is it?" she asked apprehensively.

"Drink it," he smiled encouragingly. "It's to open your mind."

He smiled again and slowly walked away, leaving Hope sitting alone by the fire. The cave group were settling down to sleep, and Hope realised that she had missed her chance to walk with the group back to the beach. It was too dangerous to walk through the jungle alone, so Hope left Sawyer's shelter empty for the night and took up her regular spot by the fire to sleep.

She took a sip from the bottle and screwed up her face at the bitter taste, but Locke had helped her before and Hope trusted that he could help her again – regardless of how strange his remedies were.

_She spoke in the same jumbled words – slowly becoming clearer as the images around her became crisper. She caught snippets of conversation. "…can't do this…" "…work it out…" The sting in her cheek was sharper than before, and the blood filled her mouth. She flew through the air and screamed until she hit the hard ground. His form loomed above her, his voice harsh but too muddled to understand. He turned on his heel and walked out of her sight, leaving her crying pitifully on the ground. She held her stomach and whispered through tears as he walked away, "…please."_

"…please."

Hope's eyes shot open and she sat up quickly. She felt the pain in her cheek, and found traces of blood when she wiped her mouth. Tears filled her eyes and she was breathing heavily. She looked up to see Locke sitting calmly on a log nearby, watching her almost curiously as she recovered from the nightmare.

"Good morning," he said with a smile. Hope smiled back weakly and wiped the forming tears from her eyes. He pulled a water bottle from his backpack and threw it gently to her. Hope caught it and took a long drink. She was relieved to find no bitter taste – just plain water.

"Rough night?" he asked.

"Rougher than most," Hope said with a wry grin. The rest of the camp was beginning to wake and move off, but Locke stayed to talk.

"The dream again?"

Hope nodded, "But more so. There were details this time that I've never seen before. I still don't know exactly what happened; but I think I have more of an idea. What was in that water?"

"Just herbs," he said innocently. "No illegal substances, though it might seem that way. It's just a little something to help you open up."

Hope smiled. She pulled her notebook from her luggage and sat down in her place again. "I have to write it all down before I forget," she explained.

Locke nodded wisely, and stood to leave her. "Keep the bottle," he said. "Take some each night before you sleep. It should continue to help you see more of your dream."

"Thanks," Hope smiled gratefully.

She quickly wrote down the extra details of her dream in her notebook, and placed it back in her dirty white suitcase. She stood and stretched, feeling the usual aches from sleeping on the hard ground. She was tired, and she knew that there was only one place that she could find some real peace during the day. She put the bottle of weak green liquid into her bag next to her notebook, and walked quickly towards the beach with luggage in hand.

"Hope," Sayid intercepted her path just as she was leaving sight of the caves.

"Sayid," Hope smiled. "How's it going?"

"Well, thankyou." He frowned at her small form as she struggled with her suitcase, "May I carry that for you?"

Hope gratefully handed the heavy case over, glad to be rid of it.

"And how are you?" Sayid asked, continuing polite conversation.

"I'm fine," she said. "A little tired, but mostly fine."

"Your case is heavier than I expected," Sayid remarked. "Are you going somewhere?"

"Just to the beach," Hope replied. "Sawyer told me that I could stay in his shelter while he's away – I figure I'll sleep better there than on the ground at the caves."

"Sawyer offered you his shelter?" Sayid looked suspicious. "What did he get in return?"

Hope laughed, "I just have to protect the place from thieves. He was a little worried that people would steal his stuff now that he's not around to guard it." She smiled proudly, "I think I got the better end of the deal."

Sayid gave her a sideways glance, and she could see that he was conflicted about Sawyer's generosity.

Hope gave a resigned sigh, "I know you don't like Sawyer, but will you please give the guy a break? He's helped me out a lot – we're friends."

Sayid looked sceptical, "From yesterday's kiss on the beach, I do not think that your friendship is what he has in mind."

"It was just a kiss, Sayid," Hope looked troubled. She thought of the previous night's story and said softly, "They don't always mean true love."

Sayid caught her meaning and answered wisely, "But perhaps he has been the Prince to awaken you from your own magical sleep."

Hope frowned, unsure of his meaning.

"You have been so distant since losing Boone," he explained. "Sawyer has certainly been the one to bring you back to life."

They stopped outside of Sawyer's shelter, and Sayid placed Hope's luggage on the ground by the door.

"Will you be alright from here?" he asked.

"Yeah, thanks," Hope gave him a smile, but he could see the confusion behind her eyes. "Does this mean that you're not worried about me spending time with Sawyer anymore?"

"Hope," Sayid began softly. "I doubt that I will ever completely trust Sawyer. That being said, I have seen the way that he takes care of you, and I believe that he is sincere. It is obvious that you are of great importance to him; and as long as he treats you well, I have no argument with him."

Hope suddenly laughed self consciously and Sayid could see the guilt in her eyes. "We're not together, you know. I'd never do that to Boone."

Sayid sighed deeply, "Boone would want nothing but your happiness. Do you think that he would wish you to be alone?"

Hope shrugged and tears of uncertainty filled her eyes, "It's just that… it hasn't been that long."

"We cannot choose who or when we love," Sayid said softly. He laughed, "Shannon and I are evidence of that!"

"Do you think that Boone would mind?" she asked softly.

Sayid smiled at her backhanded admission and shook his head reassuringly.

"I'll probably never see him again anyway," Hope said of Sawyer, wiping the tears away quickly.

Sayid smiled his knowing smile, saying kindly, "I would not be so sure. A man will do whatever must be done to protect his woman – it would take more than a rough sea to keep Sawyer from protecting you from the dangers of this island. I would not be altogether surprised if he returned with luxury helicopters, to bring you back to civilisation in style."

Sayid gave Hope a soft kiss on the head, smiled encouragingly, and walked slowly back into the trees.


	12. Gone for Good

Author's Note: This chapter has some harsher language, but it's only a couple of words, used for emphasis. Consider yourself warned. Please review, and above all, enjoy! gitania

Hope Anew

Chapter 12: Gone for Good

_He moved to push past her, but she stood her ground. She felt the first tears on her cheek. "You can't do this – I can't do this alone. I need you. We can work it out."_

"_You think you're any good to me now?" His voice was a furious growl that filled her head and made the tears fall faster. _

_The back of his hand hit her cheek and she tasted the blood in her mouth. Her feet lifted from the floor, and she screamed as she fell backwards. She hit the floor hard and lay still and silent. Her eyes lost focus but she could sense his seething form standing above her._

"_Stupid bitch." His voice was quiet but stern, and she closed her eyes against it for a moment. "You're on your own."_

_He turned on his heel, leaving her sight, oblivious to her sobbing. "Wait…" she called out as he closed the door hard behind him, "…please." _

"…please." Hope sat up straight in the dark, her hand flying subconsciously to her stomach. She wiped the tears from her face, noticing the pain in her cheek and the taste of blood in her mouth. She quickly threw her covers off and ran outside, reaching the tree line and vomiting on the ground.

She sat against a log to catch her breath, and threw sand over the place where she had been sick. Hope looked up at the stars and thought back on the dream that had been growing more and more vivid over recent nights, feeling the anger that the man radiated. She didn't know who he was, but she was afraid of him.

Hope stood and walked slowly back into Sawyer's shelter. She saw the bottle that Locke had given her, now half empty, and shivered at the memory of her dream. She knew that she wouldn't be going back to sleep anytime soon. She grabbed a sweater and her notebook and quickly left the shelter.

"Hey," she whispered, sitting cross-legged on the sand. "How are you doing?"

Hope felt better just sitting near Boone's grave, so she sat for a long while, writing in her notebook and talking softly to him.

"I think there was another baby," she said as the first rays of light were hitting the shelters.

"Really?" Hope jumped a mile at the sound of Shannon's voice behind her.

"Sorry." Shannon grinned a little and sat comfortably beside her friend, "I didn't mean to startle you – I just came to see Boone."

"It's okay." Hope smiled back, and the pair sat in silence for a moment.

"Do you really think that you were pregnant before?" Shannon asked. "Is the father waiting for you somewhere?"

Hope shook her head, "I don't think so. He was pretty angry about the baby."

Shannon looked concerned, "Did he hit you?"

Hope nodded grimly, "Perfect backhander across the cheek."

"Bastard."

Hope smiled a little. "I don't think he was really daddy material anyway."

Shannon looked surprised, "You're really getting some details out of this plant juice, huh?"

"More and more as time goes on," Hope agreed. "Locke's remedies may not be delicious or nutritious, but they sure do the job."

Shannon nodded. She paused before continuing, "Are you okay?"

"About the dream?" Hope waited for Shannon's nod, and went on, "Yeah, I think so. I'm learning a lot about myself before the crash. In this case, I once thought I was in love, when really I was just young, lonely, and stupid."

Shannon nodded grimly, "Been there."

"Yeah," Hope smiled gratefully.

"But it gets better, right?" Shannon said cheerfully. "I mean, after all that crap is over, there's guys like Boone and Sayid – good guys."

Hope felt the familiar guilt creep into her chest. She had wanted to tell Shannon about her feelings for Sawyer, but the moment had never been right. Now it was right in front of her, and she was afraid to speak. She tried to remember how pleasantly surprised Shannon was to hear about the baby, but Hope had her doubts that she would be that lucky twice.

"Shan," Hope sighed. "I need to tell you something."

"Okay," Shannon sat up expectantly.

Hope took a deep breath and looked at Boone's grave. "I'm letting Boone go."

"I know," said Shannon softly. "It wasn't long ago that I thought you'd never smile again, but now things seem really good with you – it's great."

"Shannon, slow down," Hope said weakly. Shannon was beginning a rant, and Hope knew she would never be able to stop it once it started. "This is important, okay?"

Shannon looked surprised, "Okay. What is it?"

"There's someone else…" Hope trailed off and watched her friend's face carefully. Shannon looked like she had been hit.

"What?" she sat up even straighter. "Who?"

Hope summoned all of her strength to say one word, "Sawyer."

"What?" She stood quickly, and Hope could feel Shannon's anger bubbling to the surface. "How could you? How could you do this to Boone?" She gestured wildly at his grave as the tears formed in her eyes.

"Shannon," Hope stood with her friend, trying to be reassuring. "It's not what you think. There's nothing going on, and there probably never will be – I haven't done anything."

"Boone was in love with you," Shannon said hysterically. "He was finally happy – how can you throw that back in his face like this?"

Both women were crying; hit in the face with one another's words. Hope reached out for her friend, "It's not like that, Shannon. I was in love with Boone, too. There's no betrayal here."

"No betrayal?" Shannon stood close to Hope and whispered threateningly, "Don't you dare try to make yourself feel better about this. He would have loved you forever."

Shannon turned abruptly and stalked back towards her shelter. Hope stood stunned, with Shannon's last words echoing in her mind. 'He would have loved you forever.' She sat heavily next to Boone's grave, sobbing quietly. Thoughts about Boone turned over and over in her mind, and finally she sat up, looking at the grave with new clarity.

"It's true, isn't it?" she asked the grave. "You really would have loved me forever, wouldn't you?"

Hope felt the familiar breeze on her face, knowing that it was Boone sending her a message of comfort. She revelled in the feeling, remembering how he had encouraged her to let him go. As quickly as it had appeared, the breeze was gone again, and Hope felt a terrible feeling of emptiness without it. Somehow she knew that it was the last sign she would get from Boone – he was really gone for good.

A new wave of tears overcame her, and Hope surrendered to them. She stared at the grave, seeing Boone's sleeping face, and her heart ached so badly that she thought she would die of grief.

Hope woke hours later, feeling the midday sun hot on her skin. She rose quickly, said a whispered goodbye to Boone, and walked to the sea to wash the dried tears from her face. She walked back to camp through the water, ignoring Vincent as he sat outside and heading straight into Shannon and Sayid's shelter.

"Go away!" Shannon ordered, pointing a steady hand at the entrance.

"I can't," Hope whispered, feeling new tears forming.

Shannon was livid, "I said go away, Hope. I don't want to see you."

"But I need to see you." Hope sat next to Shannon on the sand, "He's gone, Shan."

Shannon's eyes suddenly filled with tears, and Hope knew she had understood.

"The breeze stopped, and now it doesn't feel the same," Hope continued. "I think he's really gone."

The first of the tears ran down Shannon's cheeks, and she spoke in a whisper. "It's been months, and he hasn't come back… I've been waiting and waiting – he should have come back by now."

"I know," Hope wrapped a comforting arm around her friend. "I've been waiting, too."

"I know how crazy that is," Shannon confessed softly, "But I guess I never thought he'd really leave me. Like maybe one day he'd just show up unexpectedly, and things would go back to the way they were."

Hope nodded.

"But it's been months…" Shannon repeated, going on in a whisper, "I don't think he's ever coming back now."

Hope sniffed, blinking away fresh tears, "Not now. He's gone."

The two women sat in silence for a long time, slowly coming to terms with their loss all over again.

"I'm sorry I freaked out before," Shannon said eventually. "I guess I figured that if you moved on, it meant that he really wouldn't come back. Like if you kept on waiting, then it would all be okay in the end, you know?"

"Yeah," Hope nodded. "I didn't mean to fall for someone else, Shan. Boone will always be in my heart."

"I know." Shannon brushed the sand from her clothes as she stood.

Hope stood with her friend and hugged her tightly.

"Sayid says that Sawyer really cares about you," Shannon said bravely into Hope's shoulder. "You have my blessing."

Hope knew how big this gesture was for Shannon. She held her friend tighter and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thankyou, Shannon."

Shannon nodded tearfully and released Hope from the hug. Hope turned gradually, giving Shannon a small wave before leaving the shelter and returning slowly to her own.


	13. Light and Shade

Hope Anew

Chapter 13: Light and Shade

"Hope?" Sayid interrupted her thoughts as he called quietly through the shelter's entrance.

Hope looked up from where she sat on the bed with her writing and smiled. "Yeah, come in, Sayid."

He ventured slowly into the shelter, allowing the setting sun to shine in, and Hope offered him the aeroplane chair with a wave of her hand. "How's it going?" she asked.

"Well, thankyou." He smiled in a reserved way, "And yourself?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said suspiciously. "What's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

Hope laughed a little, "I mean that for a former member of the Republican Guard, you're surprisingly bad at concealing things."

Sayid hung his head and grinned for a moment in a bashful way. He composed himself quickly. "I have come to check on you," he said simply. "Shannon told me of your conversation the other day, and I wanted to make sure that you are alright."

Hope smiled appreciatively, "I'm doing fine, Sayid. I know Shannon's a little worried about me, but actually I'm kind of relieved that it's done. I'm not waiting anymore, and that's a huge weight off my mind. I'm sleeping better…"

"I wanted to ask you about that also," Sayid interrupted. "Your dream – I'm told that it is becoming clearer."

"Much," Hope nodded. "I think I have the general idea, but there are still some details that I can't get. Like who's the scary guy, and where's my baby now?"

Sayid nodded sympathetically, "I'm afraid I have no answers."

"It's okay," Hope smiled. "It's not your job to save everyone, Sayid."

Sayid looked at her seriously, "Only those that I care about."

Hope smiled warmly at her friend, glad for his company. "I don't need saving," she assured him. "I just need a little time."

"Well, that I can give you," he said, standing to leave. He gave her a grin, "You have about two minutes before we all head to the caves for story time."

Hope laughed, "I'll be there." As he reached the entrance, Hope called out to him. "Sayid."

He turned with a questioning look, and Hope stepped forwards to hug him tightly. "Thankyou," she whispered.

Sayid pulled back, looking confused. "I don't understand – thankyou for what?"

Hope smiled, "For always looking out for me."

Sayid smiled back, saying softly, "Of course – we are family."

Hope nodded appreciatively, gave him another quick hug, and watched him slowly leave the shelter.

Hope shuffled around the shelter, pulling things out of her small suitcase as she searched for the book of fairytales.

"Hope, we're leaving!" Claire called as she passed Sawyer's shelter on the way to the caves path.

"I'm coming," she called back, finally laying her hands on the book and turning quickly to exit the shelter. She stumbled a little over the bottle of herbs that Locke had made for her. Hope picked it up, eyeing the mouthful that lay in the bottom.

"Hope, you're two minutes is up." Sayid said, waiting with Shannon outside the door of the shelter.

"Okay, I'm coming." Hope walked quickly out of the shelter, carrying the book and almost empty bottle of herbs. Shannon and Sayid greeted her at the entrance, and the group of three brought up the rear of the group on the path to the caves.

"…seeing the poor girl's bruises, the King and Queen were finally convinced that she was indeed a real Princess…" Hope recited from the book of fairytales.

The crowd around her were enraptured, and Hope noticed the peaceful look on Shannon's face as she heard about the girl in rags who turned out to be more than she seemed.

"…permitted her to marry their son as soon as a royal wedding could be arranged, and the Prince and Princess lived happily ever after." Hope closed the book gently, and enjoyed the calm silence that usually followed the end of a story.

As conversations began again, Hope stood to talk to Locke. He sat alone in the shadows, carving something out of a small piece of wood.

"Hope," he said in greeting as she sat quietly by his side.

"What are you making, Locke?" she asked, gesturing to the wood in his hands.

"It's a gift for Aaron," he said, turning towards her to tell a story of his own. "The other day he was playing near me on the beach, and he kept pointing way out into the water. I was looking and looking, but I couldn't see what he was pointing at. Then, all of a sudden, a dolphin leapt out of the water – I've never seen him laugh so much. So, I'm making him a dolphin to play with."

Hope smiled at the man's generosity. "It's really nice of you to do that for him, Locke."

His concentration returned to his work. "And what can I do for you, Hope?"

Hope held up the bottle that she had brought with her from the beach. "I was wondering if you could make me some more of that herbal mixture. It's really helping with the details of my dream, and there are still some things that I can't see yet."

"No problem," he reached out his hand for the bottle and smiled in his fatherly way. "Were you planning on finishing that?"

Hope looked at the small amount in the bottom and shrugged. She removed the lid and drank the rest, noticing that she had misjudged the amount – there was far more in the bottle than she had expected.

"You better run," Locke said lightly, taking the bottle from her hands.

Hope looked confused, and then caught a glimpse of Sayid's back disappearing into the trees – the group was heading back to the beach.

She stood quickly, "I'll see you later, Locke. Thanks."

Locke smiled at her retreating figure and went back to his carving.

As Hope caught up to the others she could sense that something was wrong. The entire group ahead of her were still and silent. She looked around slowly and cautiously, trying to find what was blocking their way, and was confronted by a pair of dark eyes. A boar stood ten feet to the right of the group, eyeing them calmly. They all knew what could happen if the boar sensed that they were a threat, and they stood barely breathing as it sized them up.

Without warning, the boar ran at the group, causing them to scatter in all directions.

"Head for the beach!" Sayid yelled, struggling to help Shannon along.

Hope ran blindly, hearing the sounds of others running behind her. She turned around once to see the boar following them, and swerved sharply in an attempt to lose it. It was growing dark, and Hope knew she had to try and direct herself back to the beach. The sounds of other people grew softer, and she risked looking behind her again.

Hope slowed to a stop. There was nothing but trees behind her. She looked around for a familiar place as she caught her breath, but she had not been in this part of the jungle before.

"Hello?" Hope called quietly into the trees. "Is anyone there?" She was afraid to be in the jungle after dark, especially when she was alone. She silently hoped that someone was looking for her.

Hope gasped as she turned to see the boar standing behind a nearby tree. She stood silent, slowly backing away while trying not to attract its attention.

Hope never let her eyes stray from the animal; watching it closely as she walked backwards. Her foot hit a tree root and she fell backwards. She pulled in a sharp breath, expecting to hit the ground hard, but she kept on falling. She saw a rocky wall pass in front of her and she knew that she had fallen backwards down a small cliff. She hit the bottom in a heap, feeling a sharp pain in her head as the darkness swallowed her.


	14. Return to Me

Author's Note: Season 2 of "Lost" has only just begun here in Australia (where I am from), so I am inventing story fragments without any knowledge of their correct context. Poetic licence! Thanks for your reviews so far, please continue writing them because I love to read them. It won't be long now, folks – the end is near… Enjoy, gitania

Hope Anew

Chapter 14: Return to Me

_She fell unceremoniously backwards, screaming as she headed for the hard ground. Her screams faded into laughter as she landed on a soft mattress with him kissing his way along her neck. The room was light and airy, and she felt happy for the first time in a long while._

"_I mean it," she said, smiling as she ran a hand through his hair. "We need to talk – It's important."_

_His lips curled into a smile against her skin. "Okay," he said, sitting up next to her on the bed. "What is it?"_

_She grinned and said dramatically, "What's the best thing that could happen to us?"_

"_You bought me a Harley?" he joked, lighting his entire face up in a mirror of hers. _

"_No," she swatted his shoulder. "Seriously – the best thing ever."_

_He thought for a moment and shrugged. "I have no idea. Come on, babe, just tell me."_

_She smiled at the power of her secret and leaned towards him for a kiss. "It's a baby," she whispered._

Hope's eyes opened slowly and she saw the canopy of trees blurred above her. There were voices calling her name, but her head was too heavy to lift and call out. She lay back as the dark washed over her again…

_The room went dark and his face fell into shadow._

"_What?"_

"_A baby," she said with a smile. "Isn't it amazing?"_

"_Are you crazy? We can't have a baby."_

"_Why not?" she asked simply._

"_Forget it," he said firmly, pulling on his coat. "Get rid of it."_

_Tears formed in her eyes as she processed his words. "What? Why?"_

_He turned and stared into her eyes, filling her with the anger she knew so well. "Fine, keep it," he spat. "But don't expect me to take care of you. We're done."_

_He walked from the room, leaving her to follow and stand in his way as he reached the top of the stairs. He moved to push past her, but she stood her ground. She felt the first tears on her cheek. "You can't do this – I can't do this alone. I need you. We can work it out."_

"_You think you're any good to me now?" His voice was a furious growl that filled her head and made the tears fall faster. _

_The back of his hand hit her cheek and she tasted the blood in her mouth. Her feet lifted from the floor, and she screamed as she fell backwards. She hit the floor hard and lay still and silent. Her eyes lost focus but she could sense his seething form standing above her._

"_Stupid bitch." His voice was quiet but stern, and she closed her eyes against it for a moment. "You're on your own."_

_He turned on his heel, leaving her sight, oblivious to her sobbing. "Wait…" she called out as he closed the door hard behind him, "…please." Her face was hopeful as the door re-opened… _

"…please." Hope mumbled softly, feeling the tears in her eyes. The blood filled her mouth and she couldn't hear the voices anymore. She was alone in the dark, just like before…

_She opened her eyes against the bright light, silently watching as a kind-looking doctor entered the room. _

"_Awake I see," he smiled genuinely, and she tried to smile back. She felt bruises on her face, and her stomach hurt badly._

"_You've been asleep for quite a while," he remarked. "We were starting to wonder if we'd see you today."_

_He sat in a small seat next to her bed and moved it to within her line of sight. _

"_You've been in quite bad shape," he said with a frown. "But you're out of the woods now, don't you worry."_

"_What happened to me?" she whispered, feeling her throat burn as she spoke._

_The doctor sighed and said seriously, "You were found badly beaten, at the bottom of the stairs in your home. You lost some blood, and you'll have some bruising for a while, but other than that, we think you'll be just fine."_

_The doctor's eyes fixed on hers, and she knew what was coming before his mouth opened again. "Your baby… was lost during the beating," he said softly. "You miscarried yesterday – I'm very sorry."_

_The tears fell freely down her cheeks. After allowing her a few minutes of tears, the doctor stood to leave her alone. _

"_Do you need anything before I leave?" he asked kindly._

_She swallowed hard before asking, "Will I ever be able to have another baby?"_

_The doctor smiled tightly. "There's no way to tell for certain, unfortunately. But we must never give up hope…"_

"…Hope! Hope! Where are you?"

"Hope? Hope!"

The voices grew louder as Hope struggled to keep her eyes open. She could feel the warmth of the sun on her face, and knew that she must have slept through the night. She tested her body, trying to move without pain. She listened to the voices calling her name, and focussed all of her attention on them, forcing herself to stay awake.

"Hope! Where are you? Hope!"

"Here!" she called out, feeling her dry throat. "Here, I'm here!"

"Hope? Is that you?" Kate's voice rang out somewhere over to her left.

"I'm here," she called louder. "I'm here, Kate! Over here!"

"Hope?" A sandy head appeared over the top of the cliff she had fallen down, and Hope felt relief flood through her. "Don't worry," he said to her. "I'm coming."

He started to move down the wall of the cliff sideways, holding onto small trees to help him make his way. Finally knowing that she was safe, Hope let her eyes close again, listening to his progress down the slope.

"Don't you go to sleep, now," he warned. "If I'm making my way down a cliff, you better be awake for me when I get there."

Hope smiled softly, hearing his words become jumbled as the darkness blanketed her again.

"No, no," he said sharply. "Come back. Don't go to sleep, okay – you've probably got a concussion."

"Hmmm?" she said softly, eyes still closed.

"A concussion," he said clearly, so that she could understand. "That means no sleeping. Eyes open!"

She obeyed, forcing her eyes open and fixing them on his face as he knelt beside her and took her hand in his.

She smiled serenely at her champion and whispered, "Hi."

He laughed a little, sighing with relief as he saw her eyes come into sharper focus. "Hey, Peaches."


	15. New Beginnings

Author's Note: Well, dear readers, we have come to the end – this is the last chapter. Please review and let me know what you think, I love to read your comments. I hope you have enjoyed this story, and will continue to check out my writing. Thanks for reading, gitania

Hope Anew

Chapter 15: New Beginnings

"I lost my baby," Hope said quietly to Jack as he cleaned the blood from her head wound.

"What?" Jack smiled kindly, "Hope, your baby's fine. You landed on your back – I see no reason why your baby would be affected at all. It was only a short fall, and there's no lasting damage. I can understand that you're worried, so we'll keep close tabs on you for a few days, and make sure that everything's as it should be. Okay?"

Hope nodded slightly, "I know, Jack. I meant my other baby."

"Other baby?" Jack looked concerned as he rinsed the cloth in some water, returning it to the back of her head.

"The baby from before."

"Before?" Jack's confusion was evident. "Before the crash?"

Hope nodded again, still feeling light-headed from her fall. "I fell down the stairs. He'd already left, but he came back and I couldn't fight him. He kicked me in the stomach – I miscarried."

Finally Jack caught her meaning, and sat down so they were face to face. "In your dream?" he asked. "In your life before?"

"Yeah," Hope nodded sadly. "The doctor told me I might not be able to get pregnant again."

"Well," Jack smiled his kind smile. "You'll be happy to hear that doctors don't know everything."

Hope smiled through forming tears, saying adamantly, "I'm going to work so hard for this kid."

Jack touched her stomach lightly, "I don't think it'll be hard work for you at all, Hope. You were born to be someone's mommy – anyone can see that."

A tear fell down her cheek at Jack words. "You think so?"

Jack nodded sagely and returned to his work. He cleaned her wound thoroughly, letting the water drip down her back and onto Sawyer's makeshift bed.

"How long was I gone?" she asked softly, wiping her tears away.

"Two nights out there alone," Jack said, rinsing the cloth out one final time. "We were all getting pretty worried when you didn't make it back to camp. Everyone else showed up fairly quickly, but it was like you just disappeared…"

Hope sighed. "I thought I saw Sawyer out there," she confessed. "I know it's crazy, and I was pretty out of it, but just for a second I thought…" She laughed at herself and shook her head hopelessly.

Jack sighed in frustration, "Even with a gunshot wound, nothing was going to stop him from coming with us to look for you." He shook his head with disapproval.

"What?" Hope stood up too fast, feeling dizzy and sick, and quickly sat back down. "He's really here?"

"He washed up on the beach while we were all at the caves," Jack said. "While you were running from a boar, he was lying on the sand, waiting for someone to find him." He looked at Hope with a grin, "You should have heard him after he found out you were missing. I tried to tell him that he needed rest, but he wouldn't hear it. 'Just try and stop me finding her, Doc'."

Jack's imitation of Sawyer was so close to Clint Eastwood that Hope couldn't help laughing out loud. Jack laughed along and shook his head, glad to get her smiling again.

He turned serious, and said softly, "He must really care about you, you know. He was shot in the shoulder, but there was no way he was going to let anyone else go out into the jungle and bring you back, safe and sound. We were lucky he let us send out search parties – if he'd had his way he would have been the only one out there looking."

Hope smiled, genuinely happy to hear that Sawyer wanted to be the one to rescue her. "He can be pretty stubborn," she agreed.

Jack looked concerned for a moment. "Are you sure he's what you want?"

Hope smiled hopelessly. "Yeah," she sighed.

Jack laughed as he gathered his belongings. "Well, you take care of yourself. You should be fine to stay here, but I'll come by every day to check in, okay?"

"Okay," Hope smiled. "Thanks, Jack."

"No problem." He turned and left the shelter, glad to have his patient on the road to recovery.

"Hey," Hope smiled genuinely as Sawyer entered his shelter for the first time since leaving on the raft. "Good to be home?"

Sawyer smirked at her, "Yeah, I really missed all the creature comforts."

He sat on the bed beside her and Hope looked at him intently, taking in his wounded shoulder. "How are you doing?"

He shrugged off her concern. "Girl, I'm fine, never better. You're the one who's been seeing the doctor – how are you doing?"

"Jack says I'll be fine," Hope said lightly. "A few bumps and bruises, but nothing permanent."

"And the bub?" he asked, eyeing her stomach.

"We're going to keep tabs on it, but Jack says that it shouldn't have been affected at all."

"Well, the doctor's word is law," Sawyer said mockingly, kicking off his shoes and sitting back on his bed, leaning against the makeshift headboard.

"That's not what I hear," Hope replied, pulling her bare feet up onto the bed and sitting at his side. "I hear that you couldn't care less what the doctor says – even when you're injured."

Sawyer raised his eyebrows. "Is that what you hear?" he challenged. "Well I hear that the hunter's been giving you bedtime drugs…"

Hope laughed. "If that's the case, I think I overdosed when I was out there," she gestured to the trees that were visible through the shelter's open entrance.

"You did look pretty out of it," Sawyer remarked. His face softened, and Hope watched him become the Sawyer that was reserved for private. "So, you're gonna be fine?"

"Fit as a fiddle," Hope answered. "You?"

"Well, he had to pull a bullet out of me," he said with a smirk. "That was uncomfortable. But I'll heal up soon enough."

Hope felt very small as she asked, "What happened on the raft? How did it come to people being shot?"

Sawyer sighed, and Hope could feel the tiredness coming off of him in waves. "We made a mistake," he said quietly.

Hope knew that the subject was closed, and she let it go as she moved to lie down on her back. He stayed sitting beside her, with his eyes closed gently, and Hope felt safe just knowing he was there.

"I missed you," she said suddenly.

His eyes snapped open and fixed upon her own. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Hope said matter-of-factly. "I thought of you every day, just like I promised."

Sawyer's guard lowered an inch as he said, "I thought of you, too, Peaches." He smiled as he leaned down and kissed her gently, secretly relieved when she kissed him back. He placed his hand firmly on her stomach through her shirt, thinking of the day he had first learned about the baby.

"You know," he said, moving to lie beside her. "Maybe it wouldn't be too bad if the kid took a liking to my voice."

"Well, I know the kid's mom likes it," Hope joked.

"Is that so?" he asked triumphantly.

Hope pulled him down by his collar for another kiss, and noticed that for the first time, she felt no guilt at the thought of being with Sawyer. She was really moving forwards.

"I'm thinking of making this the invalid's tent," Sawyer said conversationally.

"Oh yeah?" Hope asked, sitting up beside him.

"Yeah," he nodded. "You'll stay here, I'll stay here, and then Doctor Jack only has one destination when he comes for house calls."

Hope laughed at Sawyer's roundabout way of asking her to stay with him.

She kissed him lightly on the mouth. "Whatever you want, Sawyer."

Sawyer put his hand to her cheek, pulling Hope in to kiss her deeply. "You know, Peaches," he said with a smirk. "Women used to say that to me all the damn time."


End file.
